For a Bit of Fun - Joke Thread

[Robbo]

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson. He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, biscuits, all sorts of things. The grandad is saying in a controlled voice: "Easy, William, we won't be long . . . easy boy."
Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say : "It's okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we'll be out of here. Hang in there, boy."
At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the trolley. Grandad says again in a controlled voice : "William, William, relax buddy, don't get upset. We'll be home in five minutes, stay cool William."
Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car. She says : "It's none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don't know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad."
"Thanks," says the grandpa. "But I am William. The little "bastard " is called Kevin! ..

[Moggy]

^ Love it.
I'm stealing that

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[glenm64]

 

Cheers Glen

[glenm64]

Heres its toilet paper. Bosnia and Herzegovina have their own rationing problems.

Cheers Glen

[Hairs]

Bloody dog, GRRR
Just asked me if I would like the radio left on while he went out side, Bastard.

[Steffo1]

I just read where one in three people are unfaithful.

This really upset me as I don't know whether it's the wife or the girlfriend!

[xcvator]

I just read where one in three people are unfaithful.

This really upset me as I don't know whether it's the wife or the girlfriend!

[Bird]

The Black Death was a pandemic in the 1300's.

t seems that COVID-19 could possibly be called the Back in Black Death

[rockrat]

The Black Death was a pandemic in the 1300's.

t seems that COVID-19 could possibly be called the Back in Black Death

Except the Black Death killed 30-60% of Europe’s population.


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[Bird]

Except the Black Death killed 30-60% of Europe’s population.

its early days yet.  N.W.O

[Kangaron]

https://www.facebook.com/Geelong.Cats/videos/2236482963322689/

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[glenm64]

 

Cheers Glen

[Fizzie]

The really scarey bit is that you could easily imagine him doing it!!!

[glenm64]

 

Cheers Glen

[glenm64]

 

Cheers Glen

[glenm64]

There are 3 guys on a boat with 4 cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So they throw a cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

Cheers Glen

[glenm64]

 

Cheers Glen

[Robbo]

..

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[Bird]

Cheers Glen

[Pete79]

[Fizzie]

Inject it!!!

Jeez, I've been doing it wrong

I thought you were supposed to drink the Dettol!!!

 

[speewa158]

Inject it!!!

Jeez, I've been doing it wrong

I thought you were supposed to drink the Dettol!!!

 

& now you are going to rub what ever of your brain cells together    ?   ,,,,,,,,,

[Jeepers Creepers]

In the U.K., a very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her“Stammerers Action Group”. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. No-one was improving.

Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said"If any of you can tell me, without stuttering, the name of the town where you were born I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?"

The Englishman piped up.
 "B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham."
 "That's not good, Trevor," said the speech therapist. "OK, who's next?"

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out
 "P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley".
“That's no better.
 There'll be no sex for you, I'm afraid, Hamish.”

“How about you, Paddy?”
The Irishman took a very deep breath, and eventually blurted out
 " London ."

“Brilliant, Paddy!” said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said

“d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry”

[McGirr]

A precious little girl walks into a Pet store and asks, with the sweetest little lisp, from two missing front teeth,

“Excuthe me, mithter, do you sell widdle wabbits?”

As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees so that he’s on her level and asks,

“Do you want a widdle white wabbit, or a thoft and  fuwwy, bwack wabbit, or maybe one like dat cute widdle bwown wabbit over dare?”  

Her face flushed with anger and she rocked back on her heels, put her hands on her knees, leaned forward and said, in a stern, but quiet voice,

“I don’t think my python weally gives a thyit.”

[McGirr]

Paddy writes a letter to his wife Jamie...

My Dear Jamie, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight.

When Paddy came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

My "Dearest Husband" Paddy ,
I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow..