To discipline or not [read smack]

[JU5T1N]

Pretty simple in my house, if your naughty and don't listen they cop it, and if anyone ever tries to stop me they will cop it too, they are my kids not anyone else's. And if anyone ever meets my girls (and many on here have) they are 3 of the most well mannered and disciplined little girls

sounds so familiar
I'm proud to say it is a very rare occasion to get to that point anymore.
My little brother said I run a Gestapo Camp yet now my kids are little angels. He and SIL on the other hand never so "NO" and never discipline in any form. OMG the kids can be so feral! I don't stand for it. If they treat any of my stuff like they treat their own I go off and so does SWMBO. I don't care who's kids it is when it comes to hurting animals I wont stand for it.
Years ago SWMBO and I were looking after SWMBO's nephews. As we walked out of a bank in a local shopping centre the eldest head butted, kicked, scratched and pulled a hand full of hair off SWMBO because she said no. In seeing this I pulled him off her and smacked his A55. A couple passing by made a fowl mouthed protest to me for doing so. I offered them the same for their fowl mouths, they learnt...they zipped it and behaved them selves from that point 
I have 2 couples that have been friends of ours for 15years that swore that they were never going down the kids path, but now blame my kids for them changing their minds.
Im not saying my kids are perfect but I would say their near enough to be so proud of them. Even more so when others comment on their manners, politeness, and their behaviour. My kids spent a lot of time going back and forth from the hospital when I was being treated for "C." No it was not ideal to be taking them there but I wanted to spend every chance I could with them and it was hard to get sitters at times. There was never an issue and the nurses even commented on their manners etc.  My brother and SIL cant even go to their local GP with their kids, they dive the 1hr drive to our place or mums to have them looked after.
And yes my dad would smack me when I was out of line and he to never liked it but knew it was for my own good. He also reminded me that if I felt the need to hit back one day as I got older that he goes to bed after me and is up before me....& to sleep with an eye open!!!!

One very proud dad

[sonny]

Couldn't agree more.
This is also the case with different children, all three of ours needed to be dealt with differently. And has they grow older this changes as well, what worked last year doesn't seem to have the same effect as it use to, so we need to change our thinking and actions. Kids need boundaries.


I also agree with this. We had one that you could talk till you were blue in the face and it made no difference - whereas a smack did.  The next son could be reasoned with really well (still got a smack when he needed it though), and then the third son was a mixture of the other two.  An example - tell them "don't touch the iron because it is hot and it will burn you" - the first one would touch it to see what would happen, the second son would think about it for a while and then never go near the iron again, and the third son - well that depended on his temper at the time (he is a red head after all)!!
We must have done something right though - they are all grown up, are nice men with lots of friends, have good jobs, seem to like to spend time with us, are kind to their friends and animals, and respect other people's belongings.  They all have different likes and things they like to do, but still enjoy each other's company (well not all the time!!)

[Nay-DMAX]

No Children here but up until this year I worked 15 years in childcare,  I have seen the effects of no discipline in homes.  Children who think everything is theirs and will belt, bite, kick yell, cry to do whatever they can to get it.  I was firm but fair in childcare and most of the children I cared for respected that, they came to me with a smile and wanted to interract with me but they also knew that there were rules and sharing, most of these were toddlers and in my most recent position parents often commented on how well behaved the room I worked in were for 15 toddlers together they sat at the table to eat knew about hand washing and packing up.  This was helped by the fact the 2 ladies I worked with also had similar ideas.  Parents would say "how do you get them to lay still whilst you change them" but they just did.

I was smacked as a child and whilst it hurt at the time there are much worse things that can happen.  And I knew right from wrong and could be taken places for meals and to the supermarket.

As for the thing with the dog I would not have been able to hold my tongue where an animal was involved it would not of mattered who's child it was I would have to speak up. 

[Bird]

As for the thing with the dog I would not have been able to hold my tongue where an animal was involved it would not of mattered who's child it was I would have to speak up.

I 'd agree with that.. that dogs going to have a hideous life with that kid, adn end up defending itself one day and get put down cause after 4 yrs of constant abuse from the useless kid/parents it defended itself.

ymmv

[Teabag]

23 years of Military life, I tend to be pretty firm on my two. Whilst my older girl (5 year old) doesn't really require much contact counciling (smacking) as a raised voice or stern look and she responds. Now, my 4year old son on the other hand does require a little more, no, a lot more as he is very mischievous, no, he's a turd(in the nices possible way). He does spend a fair amount of time in the naughty corner and does get his fair amount of smacks. The rule I have with smacking is, one hit, one only to the bottom but it is worthy of the effort and will be remembered. Trying to reason, negotiate with a 4 year old just doesn't work and these do gooders that tell you different have no fx$king idea. If my little man plays up in a shopping centre or public place I pinch his ear, primarily to get his attention. He does promptly stop his antics and you have not smacked him to worry about the do gooders. I was smacked(flogged) as a child and am personally not a fan of flogging a child but a firm smack is definatly in order when warranted......:-)

[cruisindub]

My brothers got two girls, cute as can be. Love them both to bits.
6 and 4. The 6 year old is gorgeous, and has learning difficulties. Shes slightly handicapped, but makes up for it in character.
The 4 year old is pretty switched on and is quickly overtaking the 6 year old.
The youngest is just like her father, my older brother. Shes quite a laugh and quite a bit cheeky.
I pissed myseld laughing one day when she innocently said she didnt mind going to the naughty step, (at the bottom of the stairs) as she goes up stairs and plays with her toys..... No wonder they thought she was so quiet when put to the naughty step.

I dont know how Id react as a father. I was belted, with leather belt, quite a few times and quite hard, and I would never do that.
I would like to think that with love, respect, boundaries and teachings of right and wrong, clear goals, fun and laughter and educate on what is expected and tolerated, I could raise my children properly.

Scariest thought in the world being a parent and repsonsible for the upbringing of children.

[Nay-DMAX]

I 'd agree with that.. that dogs going to have a hideous life with that kid, adn end up defending itself one day and get put down cause after 4 yrs of constant abuse from the useless kid/parents it defended itself.

ymmv

And Lost I agree with your part as well dogs need raising too and if they are not looked after they most likely will defend themselves

[Nomad]

Sticks a finger in each ear and goes lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalala.
I don't smack my kids, anymore
1. I smacked my daughter a few times when she was 3 or 4. I felt like a prick, and it didn't do any good. Why didn't it work?
2. When my son was about the same age after a smack he would try and hit back, so that didn't work. So your son thinks it is ok to hit back? How did you deal with that?
Cheers Nomad.

Hey Grizz,

It didn't work for my daughter because whilst she learnt that I was upset with her for doing something wrong, she didn't really understand why, and she was very communicative at that age so I found that a stern word and an explanation of why I was unhappy was much more effective.

When my wife smacked Sam, he simply copied that behaviour, and when he was unhappy with either his sister, mum or I, he would immediately resort to the smack, you have to remember he was only about 2 1/2 to 3 years old so that behaviour was simply a copy cat scenario. We find now that a stern word or the evil eye, or threatening to take something he values, not just a toy, away from him is much more effective.

As I said in my original post I don't have a problem with anyone doing it, it just doesn't seem to work for me.

I got the belt from my father and the headmaster.....it never really achieved anything for them, but a stern word from either would have me seriously contemplating my actions. I guess my kids heads work in the same way.

Cheers Nomad.

Interesting comparison between training kids and dogs.............I have never smacked any of my dogs, and they have all been obediant and well behaved and social.

[McGirr]

Very interesting comments.

As mentioned its your kids and you discipline them the way you think is best.

Another point to consider is the way we as adults act around our kids. Young kids soak up the environment they live in and will mimick parents thinking that what they do is ok. Things like swearing etc.

I am lucky my kids are teenagers now but when they were young they were smacked now and then. Now for discipline I just hide my wallet, that's the best punishment I found that works 

Mark

[fuji]

Give the little S#$%s a whack when needed. There are times you can talk till you're blue in the face and it means jack turd to them.

Don't give me this crap about a naughty corner or taking their toys, xbox, playstaion and whatever abcdbox off them. They know that all they have to do is wait, yeah that's right and they will get it back.

I have even thrown mine in the cold shower when they have tried a temper tantrum on me and smashed into a gazillion pieces a toy, after they broke something of ours'

Also chased my 14yr old son (I was 52) out of the house and caught him in the yard after he was giving me attitude. Dragged him back inside and made it amply clear to him, that if, he wants to carry on like some fool adult, then I would have no problem sitting him on his arse.

There comes a point when all the talk in the world will mean nothing and they know they can make your life hell, so I show them what evil looks like and that worked.

Foo

Have to agree

[D4D]

Another point to consider is the way we as adults act around our kids. Young kids soak up the environment they live in and will mimick parents thinking that what they do is ok. Things like swearing etc.

Yes we're at the parrot stage with our boy, I made a 4 letter comment at a lady driver the other day, he repeated it the next day with his mother in the car

[JU5T1N]

I 'd agree with that.. that dogs going to have a hideous life with that kid, adn end up defending itself one day and get put down cause after 4 yrs of constant abuse from the useless kid/parents it defended itself.
ymmv

even more sad is the dog will get the blame and could possibly end up being put down without a look into its upbringing (when an owners found guilty they should be held accountable for they're pets actions)

Raising a child and raising a dog are not so dissimilar. I have been involved with English Staffordshire Bull Terriers and American Staffordshire Bull Terriers for a total of 20 years and before that was Dobermans, French Bulldogs and Toy Poodles. I've had plenty of people who say how powerful and dangerous they are yet they're amazed at how tame and placid they truly are. Any one of these breeds in the wrong hands could be called a pit fighting dog etc but I've also see plenty of owners of Poodles, Chihuahuas and the likes that thanks to bad upbringing (egging them on to be aggressive etc) become aggressive and only due to lesser damage by their bite they don't get mentioned. Too often a dog or a breed will get a name yet nothing is said for its up bringing.
Not meaning to get this off topic but personally as others have mentioned I agree its a combination of what you as a parent reflect onto your child, your morals and your discipline. You only have to catch a bus these days to see that a lot of kids will not get off their seat for the elderly, an adult or even a pregnant woman.
This is the curve our futures heading in...one day it will be one of us on that bus standing...well trying to stand. Personally I'm banking on a lift with one of my kids by then.
No one is saying to go to town on them. In the beginning a firm voice with a tap on the butt will do. These days if theres a problem with my 2 all SWMBO says to them is that she is calling me....they quit it therefore no longer need to smack yet they no the offer is still on the table.

[jetcrew]

Jetcrew, without wishing to take the thread off topic, It would be interesting to see your house rules and punishments.

Family Rules

Help eachother out
Always tell the truth
Share
Do your best
Listien to your Parents
Be thankful
Respect one another
Keep your promises
Say Please and thankyou
Be Grateful
Think of others before yourself
Use kind words
Know you are loved.

As well as some other ones that are not as serious. these are on framed poster in our family room and have been a great source of conversation for our kids , My wife bought it from some shop some time ago. And if the kids grow up with these I hope they will be ok people.

I like how it says use Kind words Instead of don't use bad words ETC  all the rules are in the affirmitive not negative ..

Punishments are issued relative to the breach

Swear at mum then lie about it = level 3 instantly
not sharing = get referred to rules and then rethink your actions.

You get the picture

Hardest part is me complying with them LOL and one time  I swore at the MRS and both kids looked at me with a perplexed look and I relised me setting an good example was the best way to shape my kids. Still get reminded of it too.. 6 yo have long memories when it suits them LOL.. 

Jet

[prodigyrf]

Yes we're at the parrot stage with our boy, I made a 4 letter comment at a lady driver the other day, he repeated it the next day with his mother in the car

Monkey see monkey do and the missus is a JP teacher so she brings some priceless comments from the littleys. Which reminds about the time I've got bil and junior in his booster seat in the back and we're cruising down Glenelg on some errand and bil (who is still a crusty old bachelor) spies some really buxon wench and it's- Corrr.....great tits!-with all the expression you can imagine and with that junior parrots it exactly and when we both roar with laughter he continues on with it until I have to frown seriously at him and say that's enough!

Forgot all about it until mil bailed me up with- what have you been teaching my precious grandson?- as apparently bil had dobbed ME in when junior parrotted the 'great tits' line in front of his mum. As he said at the time- well you can't expect a bloke to disappoint his own mum now can you? Well...I sorta knew where he was coming from... but! Never work with kids or animals as they say.

[D4D]

Topical...

http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/parenting/thrills-and-spills-a-rite-of-passage-for-children/story-fnet085v-1226545101888

"Kids need to have a level of discomfort in their life and hear the word 'no', and experience disappointment."

Dr Banks said some over-protective parents were creating children who lacked the "emotional resilience" needed to get through life.

[Foo]

^^ I agree with this statement totally! ^^ 

Foo

[fishfinder]

the horse whip works a treat - scars disappear after about 6 months

[Marschy]

Ask my wife if she agrees with smacking, and she'll demonstrate on you just to make a point, bam, ringing ears.

Years ago when water skiing, Mrs Marschy was paddling in the water holding our 1 year old daughter in her arms. My nephew (poor fool, he hadn't experienced her wrath before), was splashing her and my daughter in the face and was politely asked to stop as it was scaring our daughter. He did it a couple more times and was asked to stop again. Brother and SIL silently watching on doing SFA, and before you knew it, bam, ringing ears.

It was beautiful to watch.

[Hairs]

[Foo]

the horse whip works a treat - scars disappear after about 6 months

  

Foo

[briann532]

I'm a parent of his lordship, age 7 nearly 8, and Daddy,'s little princess age 5 going on 15.

My question to you all is......Why can't we smack stupid parents?

Lord knows the little donkeys need it. Perhaps if a parents copped a size 10 blundstone up the posterior, they might start actually parenting.

In todays society it appears rules are only there for other people.

Damn  I'd love to see everyone have a choice?........... Dole for 3 months then military service or no dole.
Try telling a stern p1ssed off sergeant major you don't want get out bed.
Don't like it? Get a job.

Rant rant rant..........

[Teabag]

Damn  I'd love to see everyone have a choice?........... Dole for 3 months then military service or no dole.
Try telling a stern p1ssed off sergeant major you don't want get out bed.
Don't like it? Get a job.

Rant rant rant..........

I agree but the Military is just as soft as society. What you discribe, no longer happens. We are a military of hugs and warm showers......:-)

[Marschy]

As an ex serviceman I shake my head in wonder that people believe that the solution to societies problems is to force the unemployed into the armed forces.

Force someone who doesn't want to work into a profession that trains them to kill people. Why do you think this a solution?

I was in the army in the early eighties whilst a good many Vietnam veterans and national service men were still in the service and most of them I spoke to expressed how conscription did nothing to improve society or conditions within the armed services.
 
I would go as far as saying that conscription did more to harm society and conditions in the armed services than any good that may have come out of it.

[briann532]

Because they are not that way inclined, they would opt to get a job instead.....
Lucky if they lasted a week.

[alnjan]

I'm a parent of his lordship, age 7 nearly 8, and Daddy,'s little princess age 5 going on 15.

My question to you all is......Why can't we smack stupid parents?

Lord knows the little donkeys need it. Perhaps if a parents copped a size 10 blundstone up the posterior, they might start actually parenting.

In todays society it appears rules are only there for other people.

Damn  I'd love to see everyone have a choice?........... Dole for 3 months then military service or no dole.
Try telling a stern p1ssed off sergeant major you don't want get out bed.
Don't like it? Get a job.

Rant rant rant..........

In the mid to late 90's the Child Protection Policy was brought into play.  Via the Schools the kids were told no one including parents could smack you any more and if anyone did smack them, that person could be charged for assaulting the little cherubs.  No one bothered to let the parents know what was going on so some parents opted out of their parenting responsibilities and the cherubs grew up with no behavioural control, remember they took the cane out of the schools as well. 

Then the Hotline was introduced so all the other do gooders could immediately report to the Authorities is Mr or Mrs Jones was mistreating their child by enforcing lawful chastisement on their own child while out in public.  Again the fear of having Mr Plod on your door more parents abandoned their parental responsibilities. 

While I am against anyone mistreating, neglecting or abusing a child or anyone for that matter, no has told parents just what they can do to be good parents and raise their children with Societies values en-stilled into them to be responsible and to be respectful.  To achieve this a reward system needs a punishment system as well.  At present there is NO offence for a parent to lawfully chastise their child which can include a smack to the bottom. 

I could go on but will leave it at that