Oh geez, this is gunna be good...

[Jeepers Creepers]

OK, anyone who has been reading my intro will know the wife and i are going to get back into camping after a 14 year absence.

Now we are mainly going to be beach camping again and we use to just take a shovel, squat and do our business, so to speak, as far away from the camp as the cramps would allow.

Now I'm getting older, my balance whilst in the squatting position is no way good enough any more. 

So, this ponders the question, what are folks using these days to crap in?

I've been looking at the Jimmy's thunderbox, porta crappers etc and i gotta tell ya, its confusing the sh1t outta me?

What do most use and whats the best way to go?

And, don't mention the ol drop loo's either, I'm still missing an expensive pair of sun glasses thanks to one of them.
Thank F@#* it wasn't the car keys that time, or i would've been going in after them.

[Jeepers Creepers]

OK, i just found the thread on portible loo's, so we can disregard this thread now. 

[POD]

Didn't think it'd take long for this thread to go to sh!t. . . . .

[Jason B]

Ahh the old bush crap. The secret is to slowy migrate to the porta loo scenario. My knees don't like the old squat and drop these days either, but you would be suprised at the amount of perfectly situated forky tree branches out there. Go for a walk and the choice is endless, back up into the Y with one arse cheek on each side.................Perrrrrffffect. Bit of dirt on top and I am outa there.

Magazines are optional. 

[Jeepers Creepers]

I'm liking your idea Jason, but at a 105 kilo's, I'd be worried about the structural integrity of the above mentioned tree fork and the distinct possibility of a "fork failure", thus allowing me to land in the nest I've just crapped in.

By the time i manage to get myself out, I'm either going to rock myself to sleep or be covered in crap.... OR BOTH

[Jason B]

I'm liking your idea Jason, but at a 105 kilo's, I'd be worried about the structural integrity of the above mentioned tree fork and the distinct possibility of a "fork failure", thus allowing me to land in the nest I've just crapped in.

By the time i manage to get myself out, I'm either going to rock myself to sleep or be covered in crap.... OR BOTH

Gold 

I weigh in at 135kg and have the very same nightmare. I must say I have a very vigorous structural integrity test before I decide to park and back one out. You can never be to carefull. And well as you have described the consequences of failure don't bare thinking about.

[Jeepers Creepers]

Yeah, it's pretty crook walking back into the camp site while everyones having breakfast with used toilet paper still stuck in ya hair.

Or so i've been told.... honest.

[Nomad]

Aquaturd is the way to go if your beach camping.................even better hanging off the side of a surfboard............and its broken down and fish food in no time rather than lying in sand, that takes a long time to break anything down............plus its not nice turning up at a camp site and finding it was the previous persons toilet...................Thats why Teewah has such high ecoli readings.........

Cheers Nomad.

[lov2getaway]

Ahh the old bush crap. The secret is to slowy migrate to the porta loo scenario. My knees don't like the old squat and drop these days either, but you would be suprised at the amount of perfectly situated forky tree branches out there. Go for a walk and the choice is endless, back up into the Y with one arse cheek on each side.................Perrrrrffffect. Bit of dirt on top and I am outa there.

Magazines are optional. 

Yeh great for the first camper, not so great for the next camper to come along  Not a direct stab at you, just my thoughts for everyone due to recent exerience
Recently camped at Inskip and found it hard to find a spot that didn't have other peoples "bush toilets" everywhere, and it has plenty of long drop toilets close by
I think with the amount of people out camping these days we should be made to take porta loo's to places that are remote and don't have toilets supplied. Its a bit like rubbish if it wasn't there when you arrive take it with you!
Cheers
L2GA

[austastar]

Hi,
  before the kids left home, we would often have four adults and numerous teenagers all camping at one of our regular spots on private land.
It was very difficult to dig a toilet pit because of stones and ti-tree roots, so one time I took the earth auger. It digs a hole about 200mm wide and about 900mm deep very neatly, but it took a lot of work to get through stones and tree roots, but it was a good hole and lasted the crowd about a week.
When we left, it was closed with a shovel of dirt, and a rock on top to stop the devils getting into the 'dooings'.


The following year - same scenario - heaps of kids and another hole to dig.


Being a bit lazy, I decided to see how usable the previous hole was.


It was as if it had never been used, apart from a piece of plastic lining from a pad or similar. The soil was clean and earthy, no foul smell to it at all.


So my point?


If it is buried well down in soil with an active root system feeding there, it breaks down totally in less than a year.


cheers

[Jason B]

Guaranteed you wont find mine, well buried and I even burn the paper. Unfortunately in my line of work, when you are required to camp as much as I do, you use what nature provided the way it was intended.

With regards to your point I totally agree and have been to places where loo paper is scattered all over the place, nappies are left laying around etc etc. If we go away as a family we have a chemical toilet. Its not hard to tidy up after yourself.

Regards

Jas 

[Kit_e_kat9]

I think with the amount of people out camping these days we should be made to take porta loo's to places that are remote and don't have toilets supplied. Its a bit like rubbish if it wasn't there when you arrive take it with you!

x 2 FFS definitely take THAT with you when you leave!!     Nothing I hate more than having to "clean up" my campsite from the less educated's "effects" (not to mention unhygenic) and trying to keep dogs away from the turd pods is also annoying.

We have a porta loo and since he bought it, I've noticed the spread of the Toilet Bush and it's constantly dropped turd pods ... I was always bought up to bury your waste, but with everyone now doing the same ... it's getting rather hard to find an unused section of bush after some 200 years. 

We both have IO's on our properties so there isn't a need to find another dump point for it.

Kit_e

[cruisindub]

Considering reply number 1, (from original poster) I love how the thread keeps going and going....

Was laying tiles in my laundry/toilet, covered in tile cement, working my way towards the door when I had one of those moments,
One of those gut wrenching, but clenching,  drop everything, oh sh1t I've got to go NOW moments......

Was either bath, shower or backyard.
Kindalike camping but with some homely touches.

[Marschy]

Ah, toilet humour, plumb all you want, you'll never get to the bottom of it.

Now I was strangling a turtle the other day and... nah I'll leave that one alone.

[Jeepers Creepers]

 when I had one of those moments,
One of those gut wrenching, butt clenching,  drop everything, oh sh1t I've got to go NOW moments......

Yeah, been there, done that....  I should have just gone to the servo loo like i was going to..... :'(

In the car, drove like a crazy person about 15 klm to get home.
The pain was killing me, the viens in my head were about to burst, i abused every slow driver that was in my way.
Hell, i even yelled at people not in my way.

I was trying to make my bum the size of a $2.00 coin, my internal organs were trying to make my bum the size of a rubbish bin lid.

I arrived at our driveway still doing what felt like about a 180 kph, i bashed the front spoiler of my HSV on the driveway entrance, nearly broke off the key in the roller door trying to get it up, then all i had to do, was keep my butt clenched and run about 10 metres, through the garage, around a corner and into the laundry to get to the salvation of the very sort after toilet.

I nearly pooprd myself when i took a small slip at speed going into the laundry, but it was when i let my guard down as frantically struggled with my belt in order to lower one pair of long pants, that it all started to go wrong.

I only unclenched for a nano second, but that was all the spill gates needed.

Yep, pooped my pants with my bum about 18 inches from the holy grail.

Oh well, came into this world pooping my pants and damn it, i'm gunna go out the same way.

[Kit_e_kat9]

Yeah, been there, done that....  I should have just gone to the servo loo like i was going to..... :'(

In the car, drove like a crazy person about 15 klm to get home.
The pain was killing me, the viens in my head were about to burst, i abused every slow driver that was in my way.
Hell, i even yelled at people not in my way.

I was trying to make my bum the size of a $2.00 coin, my internal organs were trying to make my bum the size of a rubbish bin lid.

I arrived at our driveway still doing what felt like about a 180 kph, i bashed the front spoiler of my HSV on the driveway entrance, nearly broke off the key in the roller door trying to get it up, then all i had to do, was keep my butt clenched and run about 10 metres, through the garage, around a corner and into the laundry to get to the salvation of the very sort after toilet.

I nearly pooprd myself when i took a small slip at speed going into the laundry, but it was when i let my guard down as frantically struggled with my belt in order to lower one pair of long pants, that it all started to go wrong.

I only unclenched for a nano second, but that was all the spill gates needed.

Yep, pooped my pants with my bum about 18 inches from the holy grail.

Oh well, came into this world pooping my pants and damn it, i'm gunna go out the same way.

   Thanks for the laugh ... being in 'that' industry ... I never get tired of the Kenny Like Situations. 

Kit_e

[Mr Ploppy]

Thanks Jeepers. My wife and I had a good laugh  .

[lov2getaway]

Yeah, been there, done that....  I should have just gone to the servo loo like i was going to..... :'(

In the car, drove like a crazy person about 15 klm to get home.
The pain was killing me, the viens in my head were about to burst, i abused every slow driver that was in my way.
Hell, i even yelled at people not in my way.

I was trying to make my bum the size of a $2.00 coin, my internal organs were trying to make my bum the size of a rubbish bin lid.

I arrived at our driveway still doing what felt like about a 180 kph, i bashed the front spoiler of my HSV on the driveway entrance, nearly broke off the key in the roller door trying to get it up, then all i had to do, was keep my butt clenched and run about 10 metres, through the garage, around a corner and into the laundry to get to the salvation of the very sort after toilet.

I nearly pooprd myself when i took a small slip at speed going into the laundry, but it was when i let my guard down as frantically struggled with my belt in order to lower one pair of long pants, that it all started to go wrong.

I only unclenched for a nano second, but that was all the spill gates needed.

Yep, pooped my pants with my bum about 18 inches from the holy grail.

Oh well, came into this world pooping my pants and damn it, i'm gunna go out the same way.

You are a very funny man, and for my first time for me, I think, on this forum 
Cheers and thanks for the laugh!
L2GA

[Black Diamond]

Yeah, been there, done that....  I should have just gone to the servo loo like i was going to..... :'(

In the car, drove like a crazy person about 15 klm to get home.
The pain was killing me, the viens in my head were about to burst, i abused every slow driver that was in my way.
Hell, i even yelled at people not in my way.

I was trying to make my bum the size of a $2.00 coin, my internal organs were trying to make my bum the size of a rubbish bin lid.

I arrived at our driveway still doing what felt like about a 180 kph, i bashed the front spoiler of my HSV on the driveway entrance, nearly broke off the key in the roller door trying to get it up, then all i had to do, was keep my butt clenched and run about 10 metres, through the garage, around a corner and into the laundry to get to the salvation of the very sort after toilet.

I nearly pooprd myself when i took a small slip at speed going into the laundry, but it was when i let my guard down as frantically struggled with my belt in order to lower one pair of long pants, that it all started to go wrong.

I only unclenched for a nano second, but that was all the spill gates needed.

Yep, pooped my pants with my bum about 18 inches from the holy grail.

Oh well, came into this world pooping my pants and damn it, i'm gunna go out the same way.

That's funny SH1T mate

bd

[Tjupurula]

Why do I have the feeling that this thread is so damned funny.  200 years my backside, people have being going to the loo in the bush a lot longer than that...
Tjupurula

[Marschy]

We have two toilets at work, at opposite ends of the building, one with one crapper the other with two. My desk is closer to the one with just the one. I can't recall how often I felt the call of nature beckoning and I've got up from my chair looking forward to relieving a bit of belt tension, walking towards the toilet casually, the bowel is  starting to relax, you let off a bit of a sneaky bum burp as you get closer to the toilet, feel the amount of room left in the bowel take a drastic turn for the worse. You walk through the air lock in the toilet thinking "Don't worry, it'll all be over soon", open the door to the mens and the crapper is occupied.

Then its, turn around, bum cheeks firmly clenched, for christ sake don't fart again, get out of my way, get out of my way as I make a dash for the toilet I should have gone to in the first place.

[prodigyrf]

I'm gunna ask the hard question here. How come one specific half of the population can bottle it up for days until they hit civilisation and the porcelain again? Are they just more full of it than usual or do they have some special sort of intergalactic transmogrification that is forever beyond the comprehension we mere earthlings?

[Marschy]

I'm gunna ask the hard question here. How come one specific half of the population can bottle it up for days until they hit civilisation and the porcelain again? Are they just more full of it than usual or do they have some special sort of intergalactic transmogrification that is forever beyond the comprehension we mere earthlings?

Some people are equipped with standard Ford Cortina forty litre tank, and other people are blessed with the XF Fairmont Ghia seventy litre touring tank.

[Barrabart]

I crap every morning at 7am, just wish i was always awake by then

[prodigyrf]

Any advances on blokes=Cortinas and sheilas =Fairmont Ghias?