Helpful lady from India

[sparksy]

Just had a phone call from my personal computer maintenance company. The nice lady Linda informed me that my computer was showing on their system that it had lots of errors and was sending erroneous signal all over the internet. I was at once concerned about this and was amazed that a company in India was aware of this and as Linda told me it was easy for here specialised technical support team to fix this problem.
All I had to do was turn on my computer and follow her instructions ( I was only doing the dishes anyway ). She showed me how to get into the system management  and how to show all the errors that was clogging up the internet and slowing it down not only for me but all other users as well. Having seen for myself the red circles with crosses and yellow triangles I agreed that we needed to fix this.
After confirming that I was following her every instruction she showed me how to open the run box and all I had to do to remove the viral infection that was striking my computer down was to type a simple web address in and here specialised team of computer technicians would do the rest. (I cant tell you the secret address).
Now this is where the fun started ( my daughter has a habit of putting pictures of large furry slow moving animals on my desktop. Think shes trying to tell me something)
When Linda asked what was happening on my screen I told here there was a large black and white panda looking back at me with black eyes.
Well I think I had her there but she asked me to explain what it was and I did numerous times describing this panda.
It was too much for to comprehend and the next thing I knew I had here supervisor ( didnt get his name) asking what I did and that it was me causing the panda to appear. He said that there was serious problems with my computer and I should pay for a years technical support.
I explained that the $150 was more than I paid for the computer and I will take it back to the shop.
I think they finally realised that I was taking the p*ss and after yelling something at me they hung up.

In all 15 minutes well spent stopping them from ripping of someone else and I didnt have to finish the dishes.

[TOPNDR]

Mrs T had a similar call last week. She flummoxed the girl by saying she didn't have Internet access. When asked what about checking email, she said she goes to Internet cafes. Flossie couldn't cope with this and hung up!   

[georgel]

LOL - good work.

This scan has been going on for a while now.  They often misrepresent themselves as Microsoft or Symantec employees.  Get you to go to a site, download malware (virus) and then ask for your credit card details to get the fix.

The best thing we can do is take the piss and keep them on the line for as long as possible!

[Riguez]

Good work!  I get them alot 'You are running microsoft blah blah (oh doh, of course, isnt most of the world?), this is your technical support team blah blah (aha) you have a problem (yes, its called microsoft, but I'm ok with it) just give us remote unfettered access to your computer blah blah, oh and by the way we need your credit card details, date of birth, address, eye colour, blood type .... '.  even had one a few years back who tried to call reverse charge.. from India, idiots ... I didn't quite hear the name given and thinking it was someone I knew in distress, agreed to take the call - 'Hello, this is your microsoft technical support team, my name is Kevin....' his ears are probably still ringing.

[Sicilianmama]

Ha good one, I had this a while ago & I told the guy I didn't own a computer so how old I have a virus? He didn't know what to say, hung up not long after that!

[Sicilianmama]

Good work!  I get them alot 'You are running microsoft blah blah (oh doh, of course, isnt most of the world?), this is your technical support team blah blah (aha) you have a problem (yes, its called microsoft, but I'm ok with it) just give us remote unfettered access to your computer blah blah, oh and by the way we need your credit card details, date of birth, address, eye colour, blood type .... '.  even had one a few years back who tried to call reverse charge.. from India, idiots ... I didn't quite hear the name given and thinking it was someone I knew in distress, agreed to take the call - 'Hello, this is your microsoft technical support team, my name is Kevin....' his ears are probably still ringing.

That is sneaky I cant believe they would reverse charge you!

[Mumof3]

We had fun messing with a caller not that long ago. We told them that they were going to be fined as we are on "The Do Not Call List" hung up almost instantly.

[OzJeeper]

Almost as good as the "solar panel scheme" callers that are coming in at the moment.  The hang up point is just after you say "not inter........."  and you don't get to finish the word!

[Riguez]

I think they finally realised that I was taking the p*ss and after yelling something at me they hung up.

s.

After the first couple of these calls (I seem to get them every 2 or 3 days for weeks on end at times - why me? what have I done? "Dad, Lucy is on the phone" Lucy who?" "Lucy from New Delhi") I started to think how weird it is they they seem to think they are doing us a favour by cold calling etc, then when you take the piss they get cranky? I guess they're just tryin to earn dollars like the rest of us. Feel sorry for em, but it still gets my ire up 

[dazzawhipple]

I all ways say I have torrets!!!! Then give it to them !!!

[cruisindub]

No one ever calls me.
why doesn't anybody want to help me. From India, Pakistan or anywhere.

When my computer freezes nobody offers to help me.

It's like nobody likes me..................

[fishfinder]

We use to get them calling work on one occasion i said that we have major issues on the computer and the boss needed to talk to them - he is on a call do you mind holding they were on hold for 27 minutes until they worked out i was taking the piss - so now when one calls work we have a tally going on how long we can place them on hold

[offroadfreq]

Hey Fishfinder, we do the same thing, only got to 14 mins though, well done !!

[Draggin]

No one ever calls me.
why doesn't anybody want to help me. From India, Pakistan or anywhere.

When my computer freezes nobody offers to help me.

It's like nobody likes me..................

Ohhhhhh, you poor darling, don't worry we here at Myswag can fix that.

I hereby declare a state of urgency, Cruisindub is feeling left out. I insist that as soon as he puts up his contact details here, we the caring and sharing types that we are,  must all provide his contact details to "Lucy from India" each time any of us gets one of these calls. I think this would only be fair and display a decent community spirit.

Like your style Sparksy, also like the idea of a tally on the hold idea.

[Sicilianmama]

s.

After the first couple of these calls (I seem to get them every 2 or 3 days for weeks on end at times - why me? what have I done? "Dad, Lucy is on the phone" Lucy who?" "Lucy from New Delhi") I started to think how weird it is they they seem to think they are doing us a favour by cold calling etc, then when you take the piss they get cranky? I guess they're just tryin to earn dollars like the rest of us. Feel sorry for em, but it still gets my ire up 

I sorta feel sorry for them too, but at the same time if they put all that time and effort into doing something productive they might be able to make money legally.

[John N (sa)]

We don't get the calls often, but received one a couple of days ago. I was busy reading the latest posts on MySwag and Di took the call. Apparently we were also causing significant problems across the internet - the lady threatened Government intervention and fines if we didn't fix it. It took about 5 minutes of Di agreeing with everything she said and describing non existent screens before the lady realised she was taking the piss. Retirement on a rainy day can be a bit of fun.

Cheers

John

[Redcherokee]

My latest favourite approach is to ask them if their mother knows about what they do for a living.  How does your mum feel about you working as a thief? Is she disappointed you don't have an honest job?.. etc.

Or asking what religion they are, and what their religion says about honest and dishonest employment.

I figure if even one of them decides they have had enough of this cruddy job and goes in search of honest work, the world will be a slightly better place. 

[Riguez]

My latest favourite approach is to ask them if their mother knows about what they do for a living.  How does your mum feel about you working as a thief? Is she disappointed you don't have an honest job?.. etc.

Or asking what religion they are, and what their religion says about honest and dishonest employment.

I figure if even one of them decides they have had enough of this cruddy job and goes in search of honest work, the world will be a slightly better place.

Nice work

[bobnrob]

I figure if even one of them decides they have had enough of this cruddy job and goes in search of honest work, the world will be a slightly better place.

Told one caller they should get a real job & hung up.
Around 11:00 that same night, our phone rang. Same earlier caller & she said..."I've got a real job", & she hung up. Brilliant! p155ed myself laughing 

[Kit_e_kat9]

I have answered the phone in various manners for most of my natural life.  Here's a few of my favourites: 
*insert suburb* Police Station ... Constable *insert surname* speaking ... what is your crime?   
*insert suburb* Fish & Chips ... may I take your order please? (Most of my friend order insane amounts of fish and kilos of chips and want it ready in about 1 minute ... delivered ... for free)   
*insert suburb* Pleasure You Ladies ... do you prefer blonde, brunette or red heads?  City Morgue ... you kill em, we chill em ... how many bodies do you have? 
*insert suburb* Curry House ... guaranteed to get things moving.

When I first moved to my current address, I did the same, and now I'm like crusinindub ... no one from any foreign country rings me. 

It's vewy vewy qwiet here.

Kit_e

[mrdenn1s]

Underg

I have answered the phone in various manners for most of my natural life.  Here's a few of my favourites: 
*insert suburb* Police Station ... Constable *insert surname* speaking ... what is your crime?   
*insert suburb* Fish & Chips ... may I take your order please? (Most of my friend order insane amounts of fish and kilos of chips and want it ready in about 1 minute ... delivered ... for free)   
*insert suburb* Pleasure You Ladies ... do you prefer blonde, brunette or red heads?  City Morgue ... you kill em, we chill em ... how many bodies do you have? 
*insert suburb* Curry House ... guaranteed to get things moving.

When I first moved to my current address, I did the same, and now I'm like crusinindub ... no one from any foreign country rings me. 

It's vewy vewy qwiet here.

Kit_e

Underground airways

[Hairs]

Just as funny as some of these.
The Daily Scam Thread 
 

I have answered the phone in various manners for most of my natural life.

Have you had an Un-natural life as well.
 
 

[hainess]

I just ask them.

"How much did you lose betting on the Indian cricket team in Australia"

They usually hang up.


Rod

.

[Mallory Black]

I have no such fun, our number's been silent for 20 years, totally off the grid from those jokers and as long as we don't enter any of those bogus sweepstakes where they sell your details to markerters it'll stay that way

[bullfrog]

I'll gladly swap you the helpful lady from India etc for the pamphlet waving ,do gooding  ar$ewipes that hound me every Saturday morning. I think a bit of Frog justice is just around the bend......