MySwag.org The Off-road Camper Trailer Forum
General => General Discussion => Topic started by: speewa158 on September 17, 2014, 06:01:55 PM
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l really love the funny expressions that seem to be disappearing from the Aussie language .
like ,,,
As much use as an ashtray on a motor bike .
a hip pocket in a singlet
tits on a bull .
As busy as 10 men
Flat out like a lizard drinking
Went at it like 50 Bastards
Dry as a dead dingo donger
there all great 7 hopefully will continue to thrive .
Snorkelled into a few drinks .
Outback of beyond
Laughternoontea
Add your own & be used where possible
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I'm busier than a one legged man in an @rse kicking competition, so if your busy like me, watch this movie you'll get every known Aussie colloquialism known to man.
http://youtu.be/sk1cULdqjSw (http://youtu.be/sk1cULdqjSw)
Still cracks me up when they are driving from Heathrow to London and you see Stone Henge in the background.
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Going to see a man about a dog...
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Pissed as a fart ! ? ;D
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throw a leg over
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Most tell me I'm a stubby short of a six pack. How do they know I like a drink? :) :D
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I like the fiction ones like 'happy wife happy life'.... LMAO!!!!
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well bugger me dead
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Just heard a new one, Post Turtle
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Dropping the kids off at the pool
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I hope all of your chooks turn into emu's and kick ya dunny down.
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Not happy Jan!
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Be back in a minute, just going to water the horse
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If your tongue was a boot you would talk that much that you'd kick yourself to death
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Having a Barry Crocker.
On my Pat Malone.
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I've always thought it odd that "bugger" is less offensive than the 'f' word, when you think about the two acts they relate to.
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I think Speewa is on the Uncle Dougs :police:
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A head like a smashed crab. :cheers:
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What do you think it is? Bushweek???
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They have a face like a dropped pie
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They have a face like a dropped pie
....face like the north end of a south-bound camel....
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Don't kick my dog and call it Fuk off ;D
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As much class as a festered arse
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Grinning like a rat with a gold tooth
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I'm that hungry I'd eat the crotch out of a low flying duck.
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Back in a sec.... Just off to bleed the lizard
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Built like a brick s**thouse
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Seen better legs on tables
Pass us the " dead horse"
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How do you like your steak?
Knock off it's horns, wipe it's @rse and bung it on a plate.
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How much can a koala bear
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Not the brightest lamp in the street......
also
A few cents short in the dollar
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That will go down like a brick and tiled glider
Dog eye (meat pie)
as useful as a hip pocket in a singlet
give him his old job back (looking for another job)
mutton dressed as lamb
Eat the crutch out of a low flying duck
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Going off like a frog in a sock
In more trouble than a pregnant nun
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How are you going? - I'm fine as frog hair
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Tongue a*se
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Gunna hit the frog and toad
Not the sharpest tool in the shed are ya
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Couldn't pull the skin off a custard.
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About as smooth as a one armed taxi driver with crabs.
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Handy as an ash tray on a motorbike
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Not the full bottle...
A few handshakes short of a wedding...
A few sandwiches short of a picnic...
A few 'roos in the top paddock...
His lift doesn't go all the way to the top...
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Fair suck of the sauce bottle
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More than 2 shakes is w**k
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gotta head over there to drain the dragon
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As full as a family po'...
As full as a Pommie complaint box...
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or
syphon the python
point percy at the porcelain
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You blokes have a few kangaroos louse in the top paddock
Sharp like a bowling ball
Face as plain as an eight day clock
Ugly as a hat full of Ar$e oles
As full as a Boxing Day $hyt h0u$e
couldn't get a beer in a brewery
Couldn't get a F)(% on an aircraft carrier with a fist full of $50s
About as much use as a fart in a Bean Factory
Keep they rolling ,,, its all good :cup: :cheers:
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wats a madda wid you, eh? ahhh shaddup you face
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As dumb as a bag full of hammers
Face like a twisted sand shoe
Face like a half sucked mango
Call him milo, cause he just ain't quik
You can't polish a turd ( but you can roll it in glitter)
Could not organise a r**t in a brothel
So lazy he would sh$t in bed and kick it out with his foot
It is like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end
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Hit every branch on the way down the ugly tree
Put a lip lock on the love muscle >:D
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better than a slap in the face with a wet fish
off like a brides nighty.
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Not the full bottle...
A few handshakes short of a wedding...
A few sandwiches short of a picnic...
A few 'roos in the top paddock...
His lift doesn't go all the way to the top...
A can short of a six pack?
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Stone the flamen crows
Turn it up
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Couple bricks short of a pallet
as week as a boarding house pudding
give him some cement pills to harden up
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Knowing my luck, it'd be raining virgins, and I'd be swimming in the gutter with p00fters
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Uglier than a train smash.
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You have as much chance as pushing butter up a porcupines @rse with a hot knitting needle on a sweltering day.
Buckleys
Couldn't organise a root in a brothel with a fistful of $100's
You are as bright as the sun shining at midnight
Fair suck of the sav.
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Sillier than a bum full of smarties.
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My old man used to say about someone " He'd have to practice to be an idiot "
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Going to shake hands with the unemployed...
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crissed as a picket
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Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a pigs ar#e
Yeah, nah.....
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As popular as a wicker chair in a nudist camp .
Flat as a $hyt carters hat
Cold as a Mother inlaws kiss
A lazy wind that goes through you rather than round you
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Don't give him a beer he is stupid enough sober
More chins than a Chinese phone book
He's got two brain cells, they race around inside his head and when they collide, he farts
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As full as a fat ladies undies
L.M.S.B.C
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Couldn't drive a greasy stick up a pigs ar#e
My version is 'couldn't drive a greasy finger up a dogs ar$e' :)
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How about, "uglier than the south end of a north bound cow"
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No wucken furries mate
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Full as a state school port rack.
There we were, 3 against 30.
F#*k we gave those 3 a hiding.
There we were halfway up the Owen Stanley ranges, 4 tons of icecream .........
and NO FKN cones
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Let the dog see the rabbit
There's a whale in the bay
Mad as a cut snake
Went like a cut cat
Has to move around in the shower to get wet
Takes no prisoners
Taking names and kicking arses
More sh¥t than a werribee duck
Not on an island with a bloke called Friday
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What do you think it is? Bushweek???
No, Forestfortnight! :cheers:
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He's got a head on him like a dropped pie.
If he donated his brain to science they'd be getting a new one cause he's never used it.
:cheers:
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You might as well try pissing up a rope
Don't just stand there like a stale bottle of piss
It's like trying to poke Shit up a hill with a pointy stick
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Up sh!t creek in a barbed wire canoe and no paddle!
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Tear them a new one...
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As rare as bat sh""t
flash as a rat with a gold tooth
tight as a fishes a"s hole
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As toey as a roman sandal
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tell 'im he's dreamin'!
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Is the Pope a Catholic
Thank your mother for the rabbits
Wouldnt be dead for quids (and my usual answer: dunno, its a lot of money!)
Off like a brides nightie
A face only a mother could love
Doesnt know Sh%t from clay
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He/she has a face like blown out ugg boot
He/she is rougher than hessian undies
I'll flog you like a red headed step child.
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In and out like a honeymooners prick
Reg grundies
Pie hole
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She had a smile like an old pub piano.
Some black, some white and some missin!
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busier than a $2 hooker
off to park the brown falcon
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wakey wakey hands orf snakeyyyyyy
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Off like lepers foreskin
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Had more pricks then a 2nd hand dart board
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She's like a turtle, once she is on her back she's f.......d
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That went down like a lead ballon
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..he couldn't pour water out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.
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That went down like a lead ballon
....or
....that flew like a wrought-iron kite.....
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Must have two dicks, ya cant get that stupid just playing with one.
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Pull the other one it plays jingle balls backwards
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As nervous as a gypsy with a mortgage
Looks like a bulldog chewing a wasp/bulldog eating custard
As tough as woodpecker lips
Slippery/greasy as a butchers pr#ck
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Hey son, pull my finger! ( insert fart here)
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He's that low he could parachute out of a snake's ar$e
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Your a ankle , 3 feet lower than an Ar$e :cheers:
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Must have two dicks, ya cant get that stupid just playing with one.
We always said "he's busier than a dog with two dicks" ;D
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"Don't just stand there like a Kiwi in a dole que"
"Couldn't hit the broad side of a barn with a handful of sh!t"
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couldn't run a choko vine over a Shithouse
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Excuse me if this has been put up - but we have a book on those great Australian sayings which of course has As Flash as a Rat with a Gold Tooth - the book is called "Like a Lilly on a dustbin"
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I'm off like a herd of turtles.
I was that toey last night, I didn't have enough loose skin on me to blink.
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Off like prawns in the sun
" " a Bondi Taxi
Got a head like a robbers dog
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Up & down like a bridesmaids dress at a wedding party.
I'd be off like a rat up a drain pipe.
If I get a gig, I’m gonna go off like a cut snake.
Sweatin’ like a gypsy with a mortgage.
Busier than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad.
Just a few
Dave
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A Bondi cigar...
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Off like a Bondi Tram
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Who opened their lunch box?
Who cut the cheese?
Did someone step on a duck?
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A face that'd make a freight train take a dirt Road.
Fair suck of the sav.
All over bar the shouting/shooting.
That'd tear the fork outta ya nightie.
I'm sure I've got more, my old man used to love these!
Cheers!
Jono.
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Who opened their lunch box?
Who cut the cheese?
Did someone step on a duck?
No, it was a barking frog!
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You need a big hammer to drive a big nail....
...(so I've heard)......
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to all the virgins , Thanks for Nothing >:D :'( :'( :'( So Much , Missed By So Few :cheers:
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to all the virgins , Thanks for Nothing >:D :'( :'( :'( So Much , Missed By So Few :cheers:
i don't get it?
Lol..........well not as much anyway!
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i don't get it?
Lol..........well not as much anyway!
Silly Old Bugger ??? :cheers:
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Shit a brick >:D
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That would F@#$ a brown Dog on a Chain , :cheers:
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Wouldn't that root your boot!
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as dry as a dead dingo's donga
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As Ugly as a hat full of Ar$& Holes
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That's enough to tear the fork outta ta nighty
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He's so horny he'd f@#k a fested snake if somebody would hold it's head
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Couldn't pick up a root in a brothel >:D
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Couldn't pick up a root in a brothel >:D
^^^ with a fist full of 50s...
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Happy wife - happy life LMAO!
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Eat s&!t and die
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A good head for radio
A face only a mother would love
Been hit with an ugly stick
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Like kicking a sausage down a corridor
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Eat s&!t and die
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salt ? ;D
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salt ? ;D
[/quote]
Sh!t
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Being in the building trade I use a few of these quite regularly!
"Sometimes you've got to p1ss with the d1ck you've got"
"Flat out like a lizard drinking"
"Busier than a one armed bricklayer in Baghdad."
"Trying to polish a turd"
"Flash as Michael Jackson"
Great thread guys!
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That's as silly as a bum full of smarties.
It'd put a horn on a jellyfish.
Couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag.
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Are you Ok mate.
Well doesn't make you laugh but should be used often.
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Hangin around like a stale bottle " O" p*ss
That blokes the reason why incest is illegal
That blokes a Koala " A dopy useless protected species ".
Go take a long walk of a short pier
Bussier than a Blowie at a BBQ
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As Ugly as a hat full of Ar$& Holes
With the best ones taken out.
Where did you get that from?
Pinched it off a blind fella when he wasn't looking.
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Shiffty as a5h1thouse Rat
More front then Myers :cheers:
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You look like you were eaten by a dingo and sh!t out over a cliff!!!!!!! ;D
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Whiney kid...it's not fair
Response...neither's a blackfella's bum!
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as camp as a row of tents
bald as a badger
does the pope wear half a beanie
dry as a nuns -****
dont open you wallet moths will fly out
my farvourite
YOUR SHOUT
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Wouldn't shout if a shark bit him.
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Sweating like a gypsy with a morgage
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Whiney kid...it's not fair
Response...neither's a blackfella's bum!
A mate of mine is a solicitor and a keen cricketer.
Was defending a bloke who was a bit of a 'hard case' ( another fine old Ausie term) in the Broadmeadows Magistrates Court a few years ago.
Don't know the specifics, but the general thrust was that he was a bit stiff to be charged, but was probably going to be found guilty.
My mate knew the 'Beak' fairly well, so ran this line.
"If it pleases the Court, I'd like to cite the Gary Sobers left leg defence."
Ok, says the Beak, I'll bite, "What is the Gary Sobers left leg defence?"
"Well, your Worship", says my mate, "it is neither right nor fair."
According to my mate, his client got a fine and no conviction! ;D
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Wouldn't pull a sailor off his sister.
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Howa they hangin Knackers
Long streaka pelican sh*t
Looks like a kangaroo dog trying to balance on a ping pong ball
Wax heads [ surfers]
Bangs like a dunny door ina wind storm
Gets around like creepin jeezus
Scarier than ya grandmother
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When someone cuts the queue to the bar :
'Do I look like an effing statue?'
Or for the lazy person who asks for something nearbypassed to them :
'Are you effing arms painted on?'
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For the shooters out there...
Roof rabbit- cat
Have a Dingos breakfast- a pi$$ & a look around.
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Musta went to the dunny when tha brains were being handed out.
doin the oofty ma goofty.
She's a " Malvern Star " .
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;D ;D Malvern Star ??? :cheers:
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He needs to go to the sh*tter an grow a brain .
Looks like a pr*ck with ears on it
gotta head that looks like a Vee Dub with tha doors open
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Got a Great Head for Radio
Last time l saw something that ugly it got flushed
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This might be a Canadian phrase (well they are kinda cousins) that makes me laugh
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Crazier than a sh*thouse rat.
Not the sharpest peanut in the turd.
Up the buwai shooting pukekos (not sure where he is)
So hungry I could eat the arse out of a fly blown sheep.
Mad as a meat Axe
Bent as a two Bob watch...
Couple of kiwi ones to throw in the mix
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Fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down
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A wing wong for a gooses bridal
Ya ning nong
Bloody Drongo
Turd burgler
Ya ningcompoop
A blind man on a galloping horse would be glad to see it
Would do the same for any blind man and his dog
Runnin around starkers
I'd give me left nut to have a go O that
Toe'y as a roman sandle
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more of an acronym
whats the one word you would not say on a plane or at the airport hint starts with a " B "
whats the acronym for bureau of meteorology
ops i've made the mistake before lucky no one heard (just going to check the B-- before hopping on the plane)
:D
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Cold as a whitches tit.
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more of an acronym
whats the one word you would not say on a plane or at the airport hint starts with a " B "
whats the acronym for bureau of meteorology
ops i've made the mistake before lucky no one heard (just going to check the B-- before hopping on the plane)
:D
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I believe the acronym that you are looking for is actually BOB and not BOM - saying bomb will probably get you in trouble too but. I may be wrong here but I cannot think what the M of your version would stand for.
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I believe the acronym that you are looking for is actually BOB and not BOM - saying bomb will probably get you in trouble too but. I may be wrong here but I cannot think what the M of your version would stand for.
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Meteorology. :cheers:
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Meteorology. :cheers:
I know that!
I'm referring to the acronym version for on the plane BOB = BOMB ON BOARD, trying to work out what his BOM is on the plane.
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Oh ok sorry !
I always thought BOB referred to the Best on Board lol.
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no you got it all wrong BOB is an acronym for baby on board >:D
i was talking to wife about the weather and wanted to check the bom before boarding the plane
seemed funny at the time
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As flat as a Shit Carters hat!
Me best China Plate!
As dry as a Dingo's arsehole!
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Melts in your mouth like a lepers co*k
I'll be hornswaggled
As handy as tits on a bull
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Full as a fat girls sock, Now I'm gunna f*%k in the direction of off.
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Corny as a vegans turd...
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Busier than a mozzie in a nudist camp!
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As black as the ace of spades !
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About a particularly attractive woman:
I'd crawl over broken glass just to listen to her piss in a tin cup over the phone.
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Went down quicker than a two buck hooker.
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Haven't read the whole thing so sorry for repeats;
As cold as charity; and that's chilly.
Buzzing around like a blue a**ed fly.
Have a dingo's breakfast. (A pee and a look around.)
Couldn't train a choko vine over a sh*t house. (In reference to horse/dog trainers)
Is the Pope catholic?
Does a bear sh*t in the woods.
Wigwam for a goose's bridle. (Thanks for the memory jog on another thread. Heard this millions of times growing up.)
Nunya
Save it for Ron (Later on)
the 12th (In reference to never. If asked when something would be done, or when something would happen. No idea why though.)
Drongo
Dillberry
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More pull than a 13 year old
Boom gates are down...bells ringing ...lights flashing.......but no train coming !!!
:angel:
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As black as the ace of spades !
As Black as the insides of a Black Dogs Guts at Midnight , & that a bit Bleek :cheers:
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Haven't read the whole thing so sorry for repeats;
As cold as charity; and that's chilly.
Buzzing around like a blue a**ed fly.
Have a dingo's breakfast. (A pee and a look around.)
Couldn't train a choko vine over a sh*t house. (In reference to horse/dog trainers)
Is the Pope catholic?
Does a bear sh*t in the woods.
Wigwam for a goose's bridle. (Thanks for the memory jog on another thread. Heard this millions of times growing up.)
Nunya
Save it for Ron (Later on)
the 12th (In reference to never. If asked when something would be done, or when something would happen. No idea why though.)
Drongo
Dillberry
There is a song with a line, "until the 12th of never", hence the line quoted above.
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There is a song with a line, "until the 12th of never", hence the line quoted above.
Hey thanks B&B, I had never heard it until I met my hubby. He says it all the time and now I use it too. Great knowing the origins.
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Laughing me head off reading this,
Watch out for the blind mullets
Bad case of the trots
Bored Sh#tless
Head like a box of hammers
Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.
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Laughing me head off reading this,
Watch out for the blind mullets , BONDI CIGAR :cheers:
Bad case of the trots
Bored Sh#tless
Head like a box of hammers
Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.
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(on the way to the toilet) "gonna go give birth to a manager "
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In the middle of bloody woop woop...(wish I was...)
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thanks your mother for the rabbits
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hes a pelican. flies in, makes alot of noise, Shits on everyone and f#$ks off
i dunno, your f#$king this cat im just holding its tail
were just mushrooms. (kept in the dark and fed bullShit)
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double post
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As rough as heshion undies
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He's so poor you can smell his sh*t through his ribs
He's so lazy, you have to squeeze his guts for him so he can fart
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Wouldn't shout if he was bitten by a shark >:D
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Gotta run around in the shower just to get wet
He's gotta stand in the same spot twice just to make a shadow
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So hungry could eat the tailgate out of a night cart.
Got a head like a boarding house pudding.
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As dodgey as a lesbian on heat at a fish market.
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If a seagull had his/her brains it would still be a seagull.....
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l feel like Pelican , Everywhere l look theres a massive great BILL in front of me :-[ :-[ :cheers:
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He's got deep pockets & short arms
It's a piece of p*** to a trained digger / piece of train to a p***ed digger ;D
Fart sack (sleeping bag)
Couldn't drive a nail with a 6 pound hammer
This place looks like a Chinese brothel on a free night
Time to hit the frog'n toad
I'll have one for the bitumen / bitch o' mine
I'll get one for Justin (Case)
Wouldn't it f*** you up the a*** like a mongrel dog
He went for a s*** & a sniper got him
Not worth a pinch of pelican poop on a cold winter's morning
Long tall streak of misery / pelican poop
Couldn't organise a wheel to roll downhill
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If brains were ink you wouldn't have enough for a full stop :cheers:
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Happy as a poofter with 3 arseholes.
Head like a burnt thong
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When they were handing out noses, he thought they said roses, and asked for a big red one.
When they were handing out brains, he thought they said trains, and missed his...
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A Dingo's breakfast = A pi$$ & a good look around
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She bangs like a dunny door.
Lower than a snakes belly.
Go get me a left handed hammer.
Whinge whinge fkn whinge. (My favorite Mark "Chopper" Read quote)
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There's more drama here than a bus load of drag queens going to a wig sale.. !!!!!!
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Couldn't organise a f### in a brothel.
Couldn't organise a pi$$ up in a brewery.
Couldn't find/fight his way out of a wet paper bag.
Couldn't navigate a sh!thouse.
Better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick.
So lazy he thought manual labour was a Spanish tennis player.
nickname Asprin - slow working dope
A Nth Qld special:
So dopey he wouldn't know if it was nine o'clock in Julia Creek.
From the NT:
mobs and biggest mobs
ordering beer by the colour of the can - green=vb, white=carlton, yellow=xxxx, red=emu
bit of a bugger these days with all the boutique brewers!
One from Cairns of the 60's referring to speeding and two zealous local cops - If Bonner don't get you Zupp must.
There are also a whole bunch of racist ones I remember from my childhood that are very much best forgotten.
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A Nth Qld special:
So dopey he wouldn't know if it was nine o'clock in Julia Creek.
I don't get it ??? ???
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Not sure I did either. Julia Creek is a little town on the Mt. Isa road, my assumption was it's the same time all over the state and you should know? I may have forgotten the exact expression exactly, it may be 10 o'clock and hence something to do with open pubs? It was an expression my father used and it's 30+ years too late to ask.
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No worries mate. I actually lived there for about 4 years back in the late 80s early 90s so was wondering if I was considered dopey ;D
Your probably right with the pub reference as it wasn't too hard to tell when they had shut :angel:
Rod
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She was only the fishermans daughter.......
But she lay on the slab and said "fillet"
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Only driven to church on Sundays replaced by
as well maintained as D4D's D4D
Or as clean as fuji's cub CT
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Dunno about laughing, but when I asked the old man a question about anything, he would always reply, "Its a wigwam for a goose's bridle". cheers Ron.
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I've spent most of my money on women & booze, the rest I've just wasted
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About as much use as an ashtray on a motor bike :cheers:
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Fits like a finger, In a bum.
Not that we do that or if there is anything wrong with it :-X8):(
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:-[
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Fits like a finger, In a bum.
Not that we do that or if there is anything wrong with it :-X8):(
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Commonly called "doing a Hopoate" ;D
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Commonly called "doing a Hopoate" ;D
One place I worked at we used a thing called a "cotter pin tool" when fitting and removing self latching "P" clips, that looked like this
After the Hopoate incident, they became known as a "Hopoate tool"