Author Topic: Feeling sad, but stronger for my MySwag mates. (Read 14838 times)

Barry G · « **on:** April 29, 2015, 09:20:24 PM »

We have just found out today that DHS are intent on relocating interstate our twin foster boys, who have been with us since they were just 3 weeks old.

Of course we will miss them, but just so sad that they will lose all contact with the only "mummy " & "daddy" they have known for almost the first 2 years of their lives. This will inevitably cause them a sense of loss, and the failure of DHS to understand the complexities of such situations and develop transition plans accordingly only increases that risk.

Bird · « **Reply #1 on:** April 29, 2015, 09:39:21 PM »

jeeze dude.. thats fawkin harsh.. whats their reasoning..

nothing you can do at all???

edz · « **Reply #2 on:** April 29, 2015, 09:42:20 PM »

Hats of to you and your wife B&B, We couldnt do it ... Thats going to be so hard for the little blokes and your selves ..

dazzler · « **Reply #3 on:** April 29, 2015, 09:43:52 PM »

Wow! Out of the blue or expected? Very sad.

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

fuji · « **Reply #4 on:** April 29, 2015, 09:50:32 PM »

Typical of DHS farking useless!!!!

grafy82 · « **Reply #5 on:** April 29, 2015, 09:51:23 PM »

We had a foster child living with us as kids and when they moved her on, it felt like we had lost a sister. I feel for you and hope something can be worked out.

bobnrob · « **Reply #6 on:** April 29, 2015, 10:09:35 PM »

feeling saddened for the boys and you B&B...guessing they're being relocated to 'family'?

We've currently got an 8yr old boy who's with us temporarily - which could be anything from 6mth or until...... He's only been with us for 1.5mths, and despite an extremely rough start, he's already secured a sweet spot in my heart, and there'll be more than a few tears shed if/when a permanent home is found for him

We insisted on a transition period with him, because we knew he would be a long term (though officially called short term), and I felt it wrong that he come to us without any knowledge whatsoever of what to expect.
But he was only coming from 2 hrs away, that's a lot more doable than if it was interstate

We have also made it a point that if/when a decent family is found for him, that we'll continue to be a part of his life

Bird · « **Reply #7 on:** April 29, 2015, 10:16:16 PM »

to all the people who can open their lives up as foster parents...

I couldn't do it. Kandee was part of a family of 7 that were all fostered out and she only knows where a few of them are...

V8CRSA · « **Reply #8 on:** April 29, 2015, 10:59:43 PM »

Quote from: Bird on April 29, 2015, 10:16:16 PM

to all the people who can open their lives up as foster parents...

I couldn't do it.

X 2

xcvator · « **Reply #9 on:** April 29, 2015, 11:05:23 PM »

Quote from: fuji on April 29, 2015, 09:50:32 PM

Typical of DHS farking useless!!!!

Pretty wild statement there Fuji, come and have a few beers and a chat to my daughter, might open your eyes and your mind

achjimmy · « **Reply #10 on:** April 29, 2015, 11:21:14 PM »

Quote from: V8CRSA on April 29, 2015, 10:59:43 PM

X 2

X3

achjimmy · « **Reply #11 on:** April 29, 2015, 11:22:23 PM »

Quote from: xcvator on April 29, 2015, 11:05:23 PM

Pretty wild statement there Fuji, come and have a few beers and a chat to my daughter, might open your eyes and your mind

Think like most things today it's the sysyem not the people.

dales133 · « **Reply #12 on:** April 30, 2015, 01:39:04 AM »

Sony to hear that barry what's thier reasoning for that? Sometimes you've realy got to wonder about government departments logic...what happened to the children's best interests

richee · « **Reply #13 on:** April 30, 2015, 07:13:08 AM »

This would be especially hard with children you have fostered since birth.

We fostered 2 boys 6yo and 12yo for 18 months and we always knew that we would be only part of their journey.

It's sad and hard to let go and you can only hope that everything will be OK for the kids.

robbo1172 · « **Reply #14 on:** April 30, 2015, 07:43:42 AM »

I'm going to raise a toast to foster parents this afternoon.

They are completely selfless and have my utmost respect...

Robbo...

wilson79 · « **Reply #15 on:** April 30, 2015, 07:48:35 AM »

Quote from: robbo1172 on April 30, 2015, 07:43:42 AM

I'm going to raise a toast to foster parents this afternoon.

They are completely selfless and have my utmost respect...

Robbo...

X2

Benduro · « **Reply #16 on:** April 30, 2015, 09:03:08 AM »

Sorry to hear Barry.

You and your wife are to be congratulated on giving these kids the start in life they no doubt needed and I hope in some way you have contact again.

V8CRSA · « **Reply #17 on:** April 30, 2015, 11:24:04 AM »

Quote from: robbo1172 on April 30, 2015, 07:43:42 AM

I'm going to raise a toast to foster parents this afternoon.

They are completely selfless and have my utmost respect...

Robbo...

I couldn't have said it any better, these kids are lucky there is people like these willing and able to take them in to be a part of their own families for as long as is needed, knowing you are going to have to say goodbye one day.

Matt

InMused · « **Reply #18 on:** April 30, 2015, 11:54:09 AM »

In my line of work I see these relationships from an outsiders perspective. Foster families are difficult and complex at best. Hats off to all who feel the call to care for our societies most vulnerable.

B&B. I hope that your loss may be tempered with the knowledge that you have sowed a great seed of good into what ever situation your foster kids have seen.

Desert lover · « **Reply #19 on:** April 30, 2015, 12:52:29 PM »

I agree with you Fuji! Where I worked I saw a great deal of their uselessness in many cases.... nothing done, not enough done or far too much done on occasions, causing un necessary pain to many children and families who just needed more understanding, support and guidance on a regular basis....24/7! and there is pretty much only one govt funded organisation that can provide that...

Barry G · « **Reply #20 on:** April 30, 2015, 01:54:28 PM »

Thank you all for your replies.

Of course we will miss the boys, but that isn't the cause of our sadness.
Rather, it is that there was an opportunity for the transition to be managed well, so the boys could get to know those they are going to in advance, and the loss could be minimised. Unfortunately this has not occurred, and therefore the boys are at risk of feeling that they have been 'rejected' / 'abandoned' by us, with potentially serious long term emotional consequences.

I an new to this 'game', however the other half isn't. She has seen the impact that poorly managed changes in care have had on young children. At the moment the boys aren't 'broken', but sadly that mightn't remain the case because of the way the transition is happening.

It didn't need to be this way, and only this morning we heard of another case of similar aged twins being moved interstate in extremely similar circumstances relatively recently.
In that case the primary ( foster) carer traveled with the children and stayed for several weeks to assist with the transition. That is what we had wanted in this case, but sadly DHS just isn't interested.
These two little boys will be the poorer for that.

As to DHS, I get that they are under resourced and over worked, one consequence of which is that care placements that are 'working' receive ZERO feedback / opportunity for input into care plans, despite what is supposed to happen.

I have read Keith's (Excavator) previous comments, and I don't doubt that many case workers are extremely hard working. And many of you will know from reading my posts on other threads that I do not have a 'kick-a-worker' attitude. However, I have real problems with the attitude of some at 'Manager' level. In particular, and maybe we have just been unlucky in getting a poor example, they seem he'll bent on implementing a 'one size fits all' approach, without any consideration of the specifics. It is one thing to mouth platitudes about 'acting in the best interest of the child', and an entirely different thing to be prepared to actually consider what that might be in a specific case.

Hi Benduro, you will be pleased to know that the boys did get to spend a few nights in the Heaslip. We had the mattress on the floor with all 4 of us on it.

Barry G · « **Reply #21 on:** April 30, 2015, 02:31:34 PM »

Quote from: bobnrob on April 29, 2015, 10:09:35 PM

We have also made it a point that if/when a decent family is found for him, that we'll continue to be a part of his life

This is supposed to be a 'right' of all children in care, to be able to retain contact with people who were significant in their lives while in care. Supposedly similar rights in other states as well, however it is virtually impossible to ensure that these rights are accessed, especially if the long term carers don't want it to happen. DHS certainly don't see it as important.

BaseCamp · « **Reply #22 on:** April 30, 2015, 03:59:12 PM »

Quote from: B&B on April 30, 2015, 01:54:28 PM

Thank you all for your replies.

Of course we will miss the boys, but that isn't the cause of our sadness.

Rather, it is that there was an opportunity for the transition to be managed well, so the boys could get to know those they are going to in advance, and the loss could be minimised. Unfortunately this has not occurred, and therefore the boys are at risk of feeling that they have been 'rejected' / 'abandoned' by us, with potentially serious long term emotional consequences.

This is horrific - You would feel so powerless against the bludgeoning thud of bureaucracy...

xcvator · « **Reply #23 on:** April 30, 2015, 05:28:46 PM »

It goes bad from the front end too, my daughter works in DHS child protection, and it's absolutely mind bogling the things she comes home and tells us about. She will spend 100's of hours getting evidence, along with the police, and preparing a brief to try and get a child out of a dangerous home situation and into a foster home only to have a magistrate dismiss the case even though the drug/pisshead/pedophile addled parents haven't even fronted the court

B&B, you're doing a fantastic thing for the kids, I think it would tear my heart out in your situation,

but take heart in the fact that you've done your best for these kids that you could

and now it's up to somebody else to help guide them through life.

ps the offer is still there

briann532 · « **Reply #24 on:** April 30, 2015, 07:01:14 PM »

Quote from: B&B on April 30, 2015, 02:31:34 PM

This is supposed to be a 'right' of all children in care, to be able to retain contact with people who were significant in their lives while in care. Supposedly similar rights in other states as well, however it is virtually impossible to ensure that these rights are accessed, especially if the long term carers don't want it to happen. DHS certainly don't see it as important.

Well I believe your "rant" is certainly worthy of the title.

Rant worthy and sad.

Best wishes to you both, and hope you don't let it get to you.
What you are doing is a wonderful thing and you need to take a moment to reflect on that.
A lot of political opinions and comments can be thrown around about such services and the severe lacking within them, but people ( yes me included!) tend to forget just how hard and difficult it can be to deal with these issues.
An honest hope of good fortune to those who participate in helping others. You are truly unsung heroes.

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Author Topic: Feeling sad, but stronger for my MySwag mates. (Read 14838 times)