Need advice re -surf club issues -Now resolved

[jetcrew]

I know lots of members are surf club members so I am asking for institutional advice.

Situation
My son has just joined nippers first day today , during the class he was pushed to the ground and kicked in the guts by another child . Obv he was crying and a few other kids who observed it as well as my wife reported to the age manager.

The age manager stated that he has far to many kids in his group to keep an eye on them all and that the perpetrator was a known bully who's dad is an age manger in another group and a long time member.

My wife was told in future to step in and deal with issue.

I have an issue with a few things.

1- I do not my wife becoming involved in a situation
2- by admission of  age manager there are to many kids to operate safely
3- the coach is aware of a bully yet seems resistive to take action because of fathers position


Now kids will be kids, and I will make sure my son plays by the rules am I wrong to expect the club to take action in relation to a repeat offender .

I have obtained a copy of their rules and procedures manual so will identify any breaches. I am not looking to cause issues but my wife being told to sort it direct with the offending child is not something I am overly comfortable with .

The club must have a duty of care to provide a safe environment. I have paid $170 and now have a little boy at home upset.  Kids are funny hey he is most upset that the offending boy got away with it and was not in any way made to apologise.

Do I just pull him out . Then he misses out or take the club to task.

Jet

[scarps]

The club has an obligation and duty of care to provide a safe environ for all of it's members, moreso in this case as the club mantra will be to work and train as a team to provide safety and protection to everyone on the beach.  Your wife should not have to take another child to task.

Now if this doesn't work (and I hope it does), cue Mr Miyagi. (RIP)

[Rumpig]

Is there someone above the age manager you can speak to about the incident?
If so speak to them and say the response you got from the other guy was unacceptable, and they need to sort that kids behaviour out....as mentioned already, they have a duty of care to ensure your child has a safe environment whilst he's with them

[Bird]

isn't there a state surf life saving organisation that overlooks all this???

also ask for this blokes answer in writing.

Talk back, current affair, etc all love these stories

failing that give your kid a baseball bat and go ad get the first hit in... I bet this bully has never worn one.. once he does he will Shit himself.

[MDS69]

I had an issue with my son being bullied/teased at school. I knew the kid my son identified and also his parents. Had a word to the father who was mortified his son was doing this and promised to speak ti his son. We haven't had an issue since. These were 8yo at the time.

Speak to the parent concerned. You don't want to go over their head just yet. It sounds like you have just joined this club and you don't want to be on the outer straight up. If the above fails well then go to town.

[slydar]

always a problem with kids sport, especially with new enrolments - but the answer is not acceptable.

 it may be worth a phone call to the thug's parents first and if you get no result go ahead with further action. it is also possible to have a restraining order taken out on the other child - extreme perhaps but it will make the parents wake up to what he is like

I wouldn't shy away though- maybe enrol yr son in judo or other self defence lessons first then take him back to nippers and if the thug tries it on he can nail him - especially if people saw the thug make the first approach - he does have to make sure to have reliable witnesses on his side. its amazing how much respect can be earned by beating someone at their own game.

failing that, get an older brother or friend to come along as body guard - that works...

some unhappy memories for me in soccer come to mind like the day I walked all the way home at the age of nine (five miles) after being bullied by one of the teams longer term players, and the coach's son's mate

[dazzler]

This is one of the most difficult things for a parent I reckon.  Bullying is really hard to deal with.

The problem is there will always be bullies no matter where they go.  All through their life.

Equipping them with the skills to deal with bullying is probably better in the long run than trying to deal with specific incidents.
Both our boys do Tae Kwon Do but have also done a lot of Hap Ki Doh which is far more defensively aggressive (much of the police self defence is based upon Hap Ki Doh moves). 

Kids dont actually physically hurt each other (generally) so equipping them with the skills to fight back (and not you on their behalf) IMO is more productive. 

I bet that your son is probably over what happened and you as parents are probably more concerned than he is. 

So my 2c would be to get him into a martial arts or even boxing if there is a good centre nearby.  Explain that there are a$$holes in life that will always try and pick on someone, sometimes it will be you.  Here are the skills you need to stand up and fight back when the decide its your turn.

I imagine lots wont agree with this and each to their own.

good luck.

[Bird]

the fact that they say this kid is a deadShit and always a bully isn't a good sign anything will change at all.

Hes got a the backing of daddy who is a manager there, so he knows nothing will happen.

[jillybean]

No offence, but how about you and/or your wife (and some of the other parents) get your Surf Rescue Certificate so you can get more involved yourselves as volunteers.  Extra helpers are always welcome and it is much easier to achieve something from within the system than from without.  Don't forget all these managers etc are volunteering their time for the benefit of your kids.

[macca]

Don't let your wife deal with it.
Years ago my son's basketball team won their grandfinal and at the aftermatch handshake one of the opposition player's snotted one of my son's team mates. The kids father saw it and stepped in, which bought the other kids father in, let's just say it took the cops to sort it out. Very ugly

[jetcrew]

No offence, but how about you and/or your wife (and some of the other parents) get your Surf Rescue Certificate so you can get more involved yourselves as volunteers.  Extra helpers are always welcome and it is much easier to achieve something from within the system than from without.  Don't forget all these managers etc are volunteering their time for the benefit of your kids.

As per the regulations my wife was present on the beach as instructed , and will be each week as instructed the offending child's parents were not. Hence her witnessing the event.

So with all due respect I care little for your point , I pay money for this it is not free..and we have fully complied with the rules and regs as set out to us. So we are not at fault the clubs attitude is the issue.

Having had some experience in physical conflict resolution, i have no issue teaching my kids to rumble and my 16yo is pretty handy but no way do I expect a 7 to to have to fight other kids on the beach when the whole point of it is life saving so learning to rescue others not bloody fighting amongst themselves .

As per other advice I do not want to be dragged into fights /court action because the surf club won't uphold it's own rules.

Remember 1 punch can kill ..

I will never encourage 7 yo kids to fight it out.

Jet

[MarkVS]

Theo,
SLSA have very strong policies with regards to child protection, bullying, and abuse. They also have strong policies with regards to the clubs responses with regards to these things.

Having been through something like this last year, you should approach the club as this type of action for a 7YO is just so wrong, and the age supervisors reaction is just as wrong.

If the club doesn't take your concern seriously, you should also consider this a reflection of the club......and go to another club without any hesitation.

MarkVS

[Mrs smith]

Do they have a fake book page ?
If so Id ask the question there, has anyone has had a problem with bullying ?
Should be pretty simple to gauge there response to the problem and if there prepared
to take it on or just let it slide. How they choose to address the question would be the deciding factor for me on whether to pull my kido out. Dame shame you didn't have it
on video.   

[macca]

As per the regulations my wife was present on the beach as instructed , and will be each week as instructed the offending child's parents were not. Hence her witnessing the event.

So with all due respect I care little for your point , I pay money for this it is not free..and we have fully complied with the rules and regs as set out to us. So we are not at fault the clubs attitude is the issue.

Having had some experience in physical conflict resolution, i have no issue teaching my kids to rumble and my 16yo is pretty handy but no way do I expect a 7 to to have to fight other kids on the beach when the whole point of it is life saving so learning to rescue others not bloody fighting amongst themselves .

As per other advice I do not want to be dragged into fights /court action because the surf club won't uphold it's own rules.

Remember 1 punch can kill ..

I will never encourage 7 yo kids to fight it out.

Jet

Spot on jet, report it to the club and let th deal with it. The way they react to it will tell you if it's worth staying with them or changing clubs

[Black-Pig]

I wouldn't shy away though- maybe enrol yr son in judo or other self defence lessons first then take him back to nippers and if the thug tries it on he can nail him - especially if people saw the thug make the first approach - he does have to make sure to have reliable witnesses on his side. its amazing how much respect can be earned by beating someone at their own game.

The first thing he will be taught in the Judo lesson is "you dont use this off the mat" I did Judo from the age of 5 until I was 14, (I left because of bullying and failure of instructors to do anything about it),  then took it up again later in life for a bit. I know when I was growing up some of the "tough guys" used to try it on just to see if they could make me use it. And I was small and round which did not help. (not so small and round now  )

I guess what I am saying is, learning a self defense skill / martial art is not a 5min lesson, and your good to go. It takes years to hone skills, to know when to use what you know. In this case I dont think it is practical.
Have a chat with the other parent. Instead of approaching the father, what about the mothers having same conversation... Therefore not involving the father high in the club?

[jetcrew]

Spot on jet, report it to the club and let th deal with it. The way they react to it will tell you if it's worth staying with them or changing clubs

This is we're we are at.. We will comply with the club rules and follow the club procedure for complaints / issues as stipulated in their club rules.

Will give them the chance to sort out first. .

Jet

[dazzler]

I will never encourage 7 yo kids to fight it out.

Jet

So Jet what exactly does your 7yo do when this happens and you are not there.

Kids need to be taught to stand up for themselves. Our 7yo daughter does TKD with her brothers and was being bullied at school.  We have a saying in our famliy - no one gets bullied - ever.

So we sat down with her and practiced with her what to do.  If they push you you push them back and yell leave me alone.

Did this and the problem went away.  Same with our now 12yo.  At 10 he was bullied at a lovely christian school.  Teachers no use, principal no use - went back to basics and he stood up for himself putting the little creep down on the ground, stood over him and said touch me again and I will belt you again. Got it. 

Our kids teach kids how to treat them.  Kids dont play by rules. 1 in 10 is molested boys is molested and or assaulted by a family member.  These kids act out and no amount of chatting with them will make them play nice.

And then you have just the demented mean little bastwerds.  They can seriously screw your kids mind unless they are strong enough to stand up to them.  Turn the other cheek will get it belted.

Good luck.

[slcs78]

Last year my then seven year old was being picked on by a kid at school. He would come back with bruises on him where he was being pushed over. No point talking to the parents as they are knuckle draggers. Spent some time paractising with my boy if you are pushed to be assertive to stand your ground and push back and yell leave me alone, but not to start anything. Next day my little guy comes back from school with a big grin on his gave. Informs me he pushed bully over and made him cry and he left him alone!!! I asked him did he push you first. He answered no I walked straight into school and pushed him over lol

While explaining to him he shouldn't have for that I was secretly cheering. Kid hasn't picked on him since

[Bird]

Will give them the chance to sort out first. .

Jet

save your breath.. if this bloke has said hes a known bully its obvious nothing has ever happened when hes kicked or punched other kids..
I like the idea of posting it on stalkerbook page. then get your money back and go to the next club.

[jetcrew]

Well we read all the regs again last night inc the conflict res and reporting obligations .
So we sent an email this morning at 10am by 2pm I was personally called by the age manager, who had already spoken with the coach.

He talked me through his obligations and his proposed course of action.

He will

Speak with child's parents and child
Speak with my child I am happy with this
Speak with entire group of kids
Register the matter in the log as 1 strike for the other boy.

I am very happy with the response, he reiterated the club has a strict policy of adherence to anti bullying and hands off. So he treats these matters seriously as it can be a dangerous enough undertaking having kids in the surf so any child who does not comply is put in a monitored  3 step programme and if the behaviour does not cease they are no longer welcome to participate.

He admitted to knowing the boy and patents however stated his obligations do not change because of that. I was happy he acknowledged this fact.

So we are very satisfied with the clubs response .

Thanks for all the advice 

Jet

[Beachman]

Glad the club took what happened seriously and are doing something about it.

[Rusty]

Good to see it all worked out for you and the young fella

[scarps]

So does that mean no Mr Miyagi?

All good, glad the club reacted appropriately.

[Rumpig]

Glad the club took what happened seriously and are doing something about it.

a shame previous parents have done similar Theo, as he was supposedly a "known bully" you mentioned earlier i think and this is his first strike.
hope it works out for you all now.

[jetcrew]

a shame previous parents have done similar Theo, as he was supposedly a "known bully" you mentioned earlier i think and this is his first strike.
hope it works out for you all now.

Well said RP

I think that's the key here , actions speak louder than words ...

Club can't do anything if no one lodges complaints .

Jet

Scarps .. Mr M is on standby .. I don't want to call up the dead for a minor matter .. If it gets worse I will get you to crack out the wedgee board.. Lol