Teenagers and sex..... (possibly)

[MrHorsepower]

Hard call...disclaimer: I am NOT a parent . However I met my Wife when she was 16 (I was 21) She has traditionalstrict parents but I did put myself out to meet them and got along famously.We have been together for 26+ years and married for 23+ like i said hard call..Michael

[D4D]

Reminds me of a Kevin Bloody Wilson song

Do you !@#$ on first dates
Does your dad own a brewery
Can I feel your *&^%
Or will you show them to me

Sorry not helpful I know, it's been a long week at work...

[oldmate]

Reminds me of a Kevin Bloody Wilson song

Do you !@#$ on first dates
Does your dad own a brewery
Can I feel your *&^%
Or will you show them to me

Sorry not helpful I know, it's been a long week at work...

Pmsl.

[MarkGU]

The movie Meet The Fockers comes to mind 

[Azz]

Thanks peoples, I am glad that we are not the only ones with this dilemma, impending dilemma 

Well after asking Mr 16.7 year old what he would do if he was us, well lets just say, he is in the lounge watching the footy.
We did offer the, Well she can come here for the night, instead. That was refused 

He did assure that he is not stupid or an idiot and wishes to be a father less than we want to be Grandparents, so I guess we have done an OK job so far.

Bloody kids, you wouldn't of "done it" in the first place if you knew the dramas...... or would we? Of course we would.

[Cruiser 105Tvan]

You have kids as repayment for what you did to your parents, ok.

[Nomad]

Do her parent's approve of him staying over for the night and are they decent people?

Those are the two questions that come into my mind.

You have a hard decision to make.

Cheers

[dazzler]

What a difficult question. 

These are my thoughts and don't expect anyone to agree with them.

If its the thought of them having sex well they probably already have and provided;

- it was consensual with no pressure
- they like each other
- they used condoms
- treated each other with respect

then good on them. 

We tend to get hung up on this stuff and most of that has been bred into us through religion whether we believe or not. We then treat it as dirty, as a sin, as 'wrong'. 

Our 12yo has his girlfriend stay overnight and they sleep in the lounge not far from our open bedroom.  Just annoys me that horizontal dancing is postponed in MY room for the night.

If I were in your shoes I would get them to speak to the other parent and have them ring me and we can all be on the same page as to what is going on.  If both parents are happy then go for it.  If either is not then they can only stay at a parented house - take it or leave it as to do otherwise is disrespectful.

Does the other young person spend time at your place?  Before they stayed over parentless I would have them stay while we are home.

Good luck with it all.

[#jonesy]

Well after asking Mr 16.7 year old what he would do if he was us, well lets just say, he is in the lounge watching the footy.
We did offer the, Well she can come here for the night, instead. That was refused 

He did assure that he is not stupid or an idiot and wishes to be a father less than we want to be Grandparents, so I guess we have done an OK job so far.

I like your solution. Will have to remember when my 2 little ones get older

[BTMNDR]

At 17 years of age my then 16 yo girlfriend and I went to a local GP and she went on the pill.  I couldn't take them, so I stumped up for the bill.  Her parents, mother in particular, we're very strict but all the hurdles they put in our way didn't stop two horny kids having as much sex as they wanted.

I decided that when my kids grew up, I'd prefer that their initiation to sex had a bit more decorum than my own.  However, the kids mother (not the 16yo girlfriend) didn't agree and said she'd put her foot down - NIMBR!

I still believe that as long as they (2 sons) weren't bringing home an endless stream of different girls, I'd much prefer them to have a reasonably adult relationship in the safety of my home, not in the park, the back seat of a car, etc. etc. etc.  I don't have daughters but would like to think I'd have the same position if I did.

When my wife and I married in 2001 (both been round the block) our youngest sons lived with us, her's 22, mine 18.  Her son's girlfriend, 16 or 17 lived with us as well, with the full consent of the girl's parents. We all thought that "they're gonna do it no matter what, and better in a safe environment".

At the end of the day, the only person we would have really welcomed in the home was the girlfriend.  She was delightful and easy to get on with, not so two grumpy self important boys!

[Azz]

We have not met the young lady in question, the other important factor in this is her age, 18, with her own car, still living with Mum.

Don't know the family and we have failed a Facebook stalking 

[terravista]

I think you have to look at the facts.
Pregnancy does happen from casual sex, whether that is in the back seat of a car or the beach.
They may have already started doing it and being together a whole night may put a different perspective on their relationship.
Ensuring either parents are home will inhibit anything they intend to do and probably drive any intents back to the back seat or some friends house.
I can't see how it can be stopped, so it may be better to offer support, ensure safe practices are available and trust the girl.
Cheers from a father that went through this a few years ago.

[Jenko67]

My sisters daughter is 15 and a very stunning looking girl, her boyfriend is 16... I asked my sister if she had given her the birds and the bees talk.....she laughed no And said I could, I said no as I knew what I was doing at 15-16......

[discoteddy]

Easy fix mate, just youtube" BAD BOYS date my daughter scene"
In all seriousness if they are ready then they are ready, I just think some parents encourage maturity before kids are ready for it these days!

Cheers,

Disco teddy

[Jenko67]

My sisters daughter is 15 and a very stunning looking girl, her boyfriend is 16... I asked my sister if she had given her the birds and the bees talk.....she laughed no And said I could, I said no as I knew what I was doing at 15-16......

[oldmate]

You need to ask yourself, how would you feel, if your 16.5 year old comes home and says, hey dad, I'm going to be a dad.
Or your daughter same age saying the same thing.
And don't think, oh that won't happen to me. It does.

Have a think about it.

 

[gibbo301]

 

[oldmate]

 

[IanC]

x2

[dazzler]

Teenagers will have sex as they are programmed to do so by nature. If we don't want them to get pregnant then we really need to provide the boys with condoms (thrown in their dresser draw) and the girls should be on the pill.

There has been some mind blowing research into sexuality in Canada that showed;

- Women are sexually aroused (through increased blood flow to the genitals) by any display of sexual behaviour.  This includes opposite sexual attractions as in a straight women is aroused by homosexual behaviour to the same degree a homosexual women is and vice versa.  They were equally aroused by Bonobo's displaying sexual behaviour.  They were not sexually aroused through images of hunky looking men or of flacid genitaled hunky looking men walking on the beach.  They were ALL, regardless of sexual orientation, aroused by an erect male.

- Men were sexually aroused ONLY through sexual behaviour that reflected their personal sexual orientation.

Here is the link;

http://www.queensu.ca/psychology/sage/CurrentResearch.html

http://www.mandurahmail.com.au/story/2138920/women-want-as-much-sex-as-men/?cs=32

(mods feel free to strike out any language that you feel is not appropriate)

[buddha]

Went thru similar scenario a yr ago with my eldest boy, we talked, he went and they r still together. You need to trust them, most times they make the right choice, the more u try to protect them the less exp they aquire. Of course this does not apply to all kids and not just in cases of sex, we need to stop treating kids so preciously and trust we have done a good job in raising them.

[03hilux]

I have two young boys, and hide as i might, the day will come.
All you can do is educate them and most importantly, Trust them.
Id even go as far as supplying "protection" just in case that next step is taken.

[Yimmy]

My daughter came and lived permanently with us when she was 15, she got a serious boyfriend at 16. The boss (her stepmum) was of the opinion that they weren't allowed to lounge around in her room all over the bed, they could come out and spend time with us (she has 2 younger brothers and in my wife's opinion as the eldest she was a role model). No way was she allowed to have him stay in her room as the relationship continued over the next year, he was very welcome to stay with us and sleep in the spare room. My wife in this situation took the lead role and I supported her in it even if at times I may have been more relaxed, in the end we made the rules that both of us were happy with.
Generally they liked to stay at the boyfriends, the first time it happened I rang the dad and said that this is my daughter and we expect that they sleep separate, while this may have started out this way over time we were of the opinion that the other parents seemed to have differing morals to us.

Anyway we were always open to her about relationships, sex, being safe and making sure the first time was special. Blow me down when one day she sits down with us and says , you know how you have talked about the first time ..... Yes I reply  , well it's happened she says (aarrghhhh) I look my wife took a deep breath and said .... are you happy, were you safe .... Yes she says .... I reply with don't tell me anymore I'm your father .

As hard as all of these times were I find it special that she felt comfortable to talk to us and let us know that she had taken the next step, I definitely needed a scotch that night.
She went on to tertiary studies in the city while still seeing her man, she has come home found employment in her chosen field and married her man last year.

Is everything as good as we want for her as parents, no, but she's out there doing it for herself now as an adult.

1 down 2 to go 

Jim

[oldmate]

Nice one jim, glad to hear it's worked out mate.

[dazzler]

Excellent work Jim.  Balanced and mature.