On Saturday afternoon, we set off around 2:30 to 3:00 to suss out a portion of the Toolara State Forest area.
It was great fun in the Jeep, crossing creeks, finding new tracks and as such, because we were having such a fun time, we didn't notice, that time was getting away from us a bit, so we set off for the trip home a bit late.
Before long, it was headlights….. then high beam…. then the spots as well, as we drove through a pitch black forest with only a compass to work off. The good bit was. we weren't lost, we knew which forest we were in, even if just a little bit, shall we say…misplaced.
Anyway, after about 2 hours of driving we were going alright down a fairly steep decent, when all of a sudden, and alien craft appeared behind us, hovering just above the ground.
It was about twice the size of the Jeep in length and height, with a metal grid thing on the front supporting many flashing lights.. All I could picture, was the the wife and I being transported to a far away planet for brain washing and anal probing.
I drove like a mad man, swerving around trees, down unlit dirt tracks and all the time, the punishing lights of the alien craft lit up our Jeep like it was daytime, which actually helped me see where I was going.
Next minute, we came out onto the Rainbow Beach road in a frenzy of squealing tyres and rubber smoke.
Hah, they'll never catch me now….. as my race car instincts took over and I drove like crazy. On purpose, I took the route past the army training centre, hoping the army would pick them up on radar and shoot them down, even if there were only a foot or two higher than us.
I knew if I could make it to the house, we would be safe and as we approached our home, we fumbled with the garage remote to get the auto door open.
HOME AND IN THE GARAGE, with the door down, we both managed to get our breath back.
The aliens were outside, our house was lit up by an enourmous amount of light and being as smart as they are, they attempted to talk to us in our own language, asking us to come outside.
I gave them the bird through the window, and now they demanded we come outside or they would enter our home by force.
We had to go outside.
As we did, about 20 aliens with weapons drawn, called for us to drop and spread our arms. I wasn't armed but, so I didn't know what to do.
The head alien screamed out, "Hit the idiot with the laser" and all I could think of was the little Martian guy off the Bugs Bunny show with his laser gun, so as one of the aliens fired his laser, I pushed Mrs Jeepers in the way and it hit her, sparing her the torment of a brain wash and anal probe…. or so I thought.
Mrs Jeepers hit the deck and flopped around like a a mullet out of water.
I ran back to house screaming, you alien bastards, go away.
Anyway, the aliens must have got tired of waiting for me, however, they were replaced by the police force…. funny enough, about the same number that we had of aliens the night before.
They took me away for some checks etc including my eyesight and hearing, as LASER does sound a lot like TAZER and I'm also due in court next week for failing to stop for police, failing to follow a police direction, trying to outrun the police, speeding and failure to indicate.
It was surprising how much a police 4wd troopy looks like a spacecraft in a rear view mirror.
The good thing to come out of it though, is my wife isn't talking to me now….. ah.. bliss.
Wet and windy week-end, geez i'm bored.
