Anyone tried behavior contracts with a teenage girl ?

[MarkVS]

As of 11/10/2013, our 14 YO daughter officially became a teenager.

She has had a heated discussion with my wife advising that we are being too restrictive with regards to her phone, Facebook etc, we never let her do anything, we are being too restrictive as far as clothes, we invade her privacy too much etc etc etc.

She is a great kid. We did some investigation and one of the big things around at the moment appears to be where you sit down with your teenager, and discus and document your behavious expectations for various things...what they call behavious contrcts....eg..room tidiness, homework, phone usage, Facebook etc....but you also discuss and capture the consequences if they don't do it, and rewards if the continually do.

Has anyone else done this, and does it work ?


MarkVS

[Ynot]

Good luck mate, my girls are good too but gee you have to pull them up often.
I think that is the main thing just consistently reenforcing the boundaries.


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[JCAT]

I'm with Ynot.

My 13 y/old soon to be 14y/old daughter is constantly having me reinforce what is expected of her. She is a great kid but I see too many go off the rails and just don't want it happening in my house. Most of the time she sees it my way.

She is one of her only friends that still doesn't have a phone BUT on her school camp to Melbourne next year, the 'camp' list states kids need to have a phone, Go Figure. She doesn't have Facebook and doesn't want it - YES - Winner.

She has an iPod and wants Instagram but I have managed to resist that. She does have Skype and KIK but is not allowed to passcode her iPod because that will prevent us from checking it whenever we want.

Her main punishment is the removal of the iPod as it is her lifeline to her friends. I might add that she actually communicates with the family when she doesn't have access to it.

She doesn't get pocket money but when she has to go somewhere or buy something within reason she generally gets it.

I have not heard of a contract. When I was a kid one of our friends parents had a roster telling them what they needed to do and when. If they didn't do it they were punished. We see some of relatives running similar programs with there kids now. When they do their chores they get a tick in the box and if they don't fill the boxes, no pocket money or other punishments.

GOOD LUCK, that's what I'm hoping for. You can be the best parent in the world but if your kid falls in with the wrong kids in their social network then heaven help you.

[swanny]

Mate haven't heard of it, and my girls is still to little to indulge into that stuff, but I think the concept has merit, I like the idea of a formal sit down and then setting out of the requirements, and even better you get your daughter/s, to agree in writing.

I reckon it could work, and work well.

Good luck.

Swanny

[Foo]

I/we just take the computer leads and sim cards and say, you pay for it or do as your told and that includes our 18yr old.   

They get taught that they rights at school but nothing about responsibilities. 

Foo

[barnray]

Yeah we tried, now have 5 grandkids Good luck. Barnray

[fuji]

Hmmm my 7y.o is going on 13.

[Barry G]

IMO it's good to do the discussing ahead of time - I.e. not when there has been a 'blow up'.  Set it out when all are calm, easier to get agreement then, especially if you are suggesting it is tie they got some extra 'freedom' / benefit they haven't had before.  Then, if they reneg on the agreement you have it to support your position.  Becomes harder for them to sustain the 'I'm hard done by' meme.
Havering said that, I've been exceptionally lucky with my 2.
Young bloke turned 18 last week, heading out with mates tonight.  Just hoping he remains sensible. Nothing else I can do...

[Wato]

As of 11/10/2013, our 14 YO daughter officially became a teenager.

She has had a heated discussion with my wife advising that we are being too restrictive with regards to her phone, Facebook etc, we never let her do anything, we are being too restrictive as far as clothes, we invade her privacy too much etc etc etc.

She is a great kid. We did some investigation and one of the big things around at the moment appears to be where you sit down with your teenager, and discus and document your behavious expectations for various things...what they call behavious contrcts....eg..room tidiness, homework, phone usage, Facebook etc....but you also discuss and capture the consequences if they don't do it, and rewards if the continually do.

Has anyone else done this, and does it work ?


MarkVS

Mate hope this is not a consequence of spending time with our daughter. 
Being serious though,  it's a time when you reinforce your boundaries and rely on the ground work you have put into the last 13yrs.
All is good in our household at the moment.

Good Luck

Craig

[Bird]

As of 11/10/2013, our 14 YO daughter officially became a teenager.

She has had a heated discussion with my wife advising that we are being too restrictive with regards to her phone, Facebook etc, we never let her do anything, we are being too restrictive as far as clothes, we invade her privacy too much etc etc etc.

She is a great kid. We did some investigation and one of the big things around at the moment appears to be where you sit down with your teenager, and discus and document your behavious expectations for various things...what they call behavious contrcts....eg..room tidiness, homework, phone usage, Facebook etc....but you also discuss and capture the consequences if they don't do it, and rewards if the continually do.

Has anyone else done this, and does it work ?


MarkVS

Going through hell with 13yr old son and school and general attitude.. Seems to continually forget homework to the point of phonecalls/email from school asking... Hes lost everything but his clothes.. no phone, no xbox, no DS, no nothing.. All his life evolves around now is his PC.. Today I was out most of day, he was home alone, he has only spent since 10am till 8.30 on here and hasn't moved apart from to have a piss and 2 min noodles. We have had so many *big talks* about the future and life and stop being a ****, but you can tell he isn't even interested in listening.

Luckily he doesn't give a toss about stalkerbook (just like his daddy)... so that argument isn't an issue.

I think the solution is to go back in time and make sure she had a headache that one night instead of 2 minutes pleasure I don't even remember.

To you my friend, I say good ****in luck!

[Malcolm Tugless]

I have some experience in these matters. After starting said contractual discussions with a teenage girl, I eventually gave up in frustration and married her. Its called a bipartisan agreement.

[Mace]

I have some experience in these matters. After starting said contractual discussions with a teenage girl, I eventually gave up in frustration and married her. Its called a bipartisan agreement.

Rofl.   


 pics on Sodahead

[swanny]

I have some experience in these matters. After starting said contractual discussions with a teenage girl, I eventually gave up in frustration and married her. Its called a bipartisan agreement.

Gold....bwhaaaaa........much better advise then lost offers....hahahahaha

[dazzler]

As of 11/10/2013, our 14 YO daughter officially became a teenager.

She has had a heated discussion with my wife advising that we are being too restrictive with regards to her phone, Facebook etc, we never let her do anything, we are being too restrictive as far as clothes, we invade her privacy too much etc etc etc.

She is a great kid.

Is there an issue here?

"she is a great kid"

Then you must be on the right track and whatever has worked until now may be the recipe. 

The clothes thing is a funny one.  We don't like our daughters wearing short skirts yet we are fine with them wearing a bikini or one piece at the beach.

Phones/social media is a huge thing with kids nowadays.  Our only rule is that we are their friend on facebook and the phone/laptop etc has the families usual password on it.  Have the phone left in the kitchen when they go to bed so they can sleep and you can use it if needed. 

Who gives a rats what their room is like. We have 4 kids and gave up on that ages ago.  They live in it not us.

We have been lucky so far.  The main rule we have is you don't disrespect your mother.  EVER.

Wife and I always back each other in front of the kids, even when I am wrong, which is often 

AND SAY SORRY IF YOU MAKE A MISTAKE - goes a long way to a good friendship.

[Marcus73]

Going through hell with 13yr old son and school and general attitude.. Seems to continually forget homework to the point of phonecalls/email from school asking... Hes lost everything but his clothes.. no phone, no xbox, no DS, no nothing.. All his life evolves around now is his PC.. Today I was out most of day, he was home alone, he has only spent since 10am till 8.30 on here and hasn't moved apart from to have a piss and 2 min noodles. We have had so many *big talks* about the future and life and stop being a ****, but you can tell he isn't even interested in listening.

Luckily he doesn't give a toss about stalkerbook (just like his daddy)... so that argument isn't an issue.

I think the solution is to go back in time and make sure she had a headache that one night instead of 2 minutes pleasure I don't even remember.

To you my friend, I say good ****in luck!

Oh good luck my friend. Your situation sounds way to familiar, but my boy is now 19. He left when he was 17 due to not liking to have to do things to get things. We expected way too much of him and worked him like a dog. His jobs were to put the bins out and to load and unload the dishwasher..... Poor thing. He's still a lazy bum, but mostly out of my hair..... Mostly!

My advise for a teenage girl would be GOOD LUCK 


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[MarkVS]

Is there an issue here?

"she is a great kid"

Dazzler,

There really isn't a big problem. She is a great kid that is growing up,and needs some new boundaries as she is starting to want more independence.
There was so much write up about these 'behaviour contracts' I was wondering if anyone had tried them as the concept sounds interesting.

As for the clothes, it's something more specific to her. She is 14, but just under 6 ft tall and looks 21.. we are a little more specific/choosy about her clothes as many clothes (eg skirts, open bikini) make her look way beyond her age.


Mark

[Brumbypt]

I heard that changing the password on ya wifi every now and then if they need punishment.


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[Bird]

There was so much write up about these 'behaviour contracts' I was wondering if anyone had tried them as the concept sounds interesting.

As for the clothes, it's something more specific to her. She is 14, but just under 6 ft tall and looks 21.. we are a little more specific/choosy about her clothes as many clothes (eg skirts, open bikini) make her look way beyond her age.

Just on the kids clothes, my daughter is 9, go shopping and look at what clothes are designed for a 9yr old these days... ****ing incredible how tiny they are.. makes Daisy Dukes shorts look like overalls. You struggle to buy things that are acceptable.
Looking at what some of Cammo's chick school friends wear, terrifies me as to if they will be bigger than 1 piece of thread by the time Bek is 14..

FWIW, I think these "contracts" sound like something made up by some university educated fool who has never had kids... sorta like the same ones that say 'don't punish didums'...

[jk]

Having spent some considerable time with you guys I'd have to say your a pretty well adjusted bunch  , We had some small issues with our now 19 & 22 year old boys but nothing I/we didn't try at that age.

With a little patience and a few beers I'm sure you'll get through it Mark  , if need be Mr McGirr and I can sit her down and set her straight 

Cheers mate,
Johnno

[Black Diamond]

Good luck with that. I have four of the hormonal things to put up with  lucky I've got Sir Jack Daniels on my side

[Bongo]

Hi,

My wife and I look after 10 teenage girls during school term. So it is only for 40 weeks @ year.

They are all beautiful kids.

Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.  They need to be set and they need to be reinforced firmly but at all times with love and respect. (And don't forget forgiveness)

Responsibility, responsibility, responsibility. I am also a teacher and I can tell you responsibilities and service to others is paramount in schools' curriculum.

Rights are important and look out if the rights of any of my ten girls, or the students in my class, have been breached. It is about safety and respect.

Love, love, love.

Respect, respect, respect.

And the most important of all the three R's. Relationship, Relationship and Relationship.

Jumping down from my soap box and returning to earth. 

[MarkVS]

Having spent some considerable time with you guys I'd have to say your a pretty well adjusted bunch  , We had some small issues with our now 19 & 22 year old boys but nothing I/we didn't try at that age.

With a little patience and a few beers I'm sure you'll get through it Mark  , if need be Mr McGirr and I can sit her down and set her straight 

Cheers mate,
Johnno

Thanks JK....and thanks for the offer......but I might keep you and Mark McGirr on standby...... She grew up heaps enough as it was just in the 2.5 weeks she was exposed to you guys on the Cape trip 

[jk]

We're ready to spring into action any time you need us 

[kylarama]

We gave our now 16 1/2 year old a contract mid last year call CLC...  Catholic Ladies College!  Shape up or no boys and you get a special uniform!

Year 10 grades and homework improved out of sight!

This year the inlaws and my partner introduced 'B' for Bali.  Get a B in her major subjects and her and my partner get an inlaws paid for trip to Bali... and I stay at home and look after the 2 little ones.

[Bird]

We gave our now 16 1/2 year old a contract mid last year call CLC...  Catholic Ladies College!  Shape up or no boys and you get a special uniform!

Mines 1 more **** up from boarding school...