True Stories (yet hard to beleive)

[tjrobbo]

I was doing a few jobs out in the yard a while back, and had let our 5 chooks out of their pen for a bit of foraging. I needed to borrow a couple of things from my old mans place so I jumped in my ute and drove to his place, about 5 km's away.
I went into his shed, got what I came for, and as I walked back out to my ute I noticed 3 of my chooks quite happily pecking worms on the lawn ! The cheeky buggers must have been on my ute when I left home,and hitched a ride with me!

[Patr80l]

Hi,
   I had gone for a walk with a blonde girl down to the beach.
There was a yacht race on the river, a strong sea breeze coming in from the South, and the yachts were running towards us under spinnaker, turning round a buoy just off shore and beating back against the wind to the starting point some 3km to the South.

"How come the boats with the bigger sails are coming last?" she asked.

That's not such a dumb question for someone who hasn't been involved with sailing.

[markymark]

When we took the kids around Oz, we spent some days in Memory Cove SA and from memory was a bit of a drive in but we had a secluded camp and perfect weather...set-up camp and got the rods out for some fishing. Then I realised I forgot to buy bait while in Port Lincoln.

So there I was on the beach, cursing the situation and I see a shag/cormorant come up from the water with a fish. Then from the corner of the eye something big caught my attention and in comes this sea eagle and bombs the poor shag and steals its fish. "Bloody hell, look at that" I'm mumbling to myself and as I watch the eagle come back towards land it drops the fish on the beach and continues to fly on. Absolutely gobsmacked I call out to the wife and kids and go over to the pickup my gift from the gods! Cut the bugger up and we had plenty of bait but we only managed to get a little flathead while we were there. Still had fun trying though and I still shake my head at what happened.

Mark.

[Murray]

Actress Scarlet Johannson was once asked by a journalist if she and her twin brother were identical.

[flamingo]

  Many years ago the Wife and i and 3 kids were at a National park in Queensland. We were walking along and my young bloke see's a sign that says Rock Wallabies. He said what are they? I told him they are small Wallabies that hide and toss rocks at ya,, As we were walking along the kids were in front the missus and i kept tossing little rocks at the kids!! You shoulda seen em looking for those rock wallabies. It was so funny, We never told the kids it was us !  Phil

[singo-26]

  Many years ago the Wife and i and 3 kids were at a National park in Queensland. We were walking along and my young bloke see's a sign that says Rock Wallabies. He said what are they? I told him they are small Wallabies that hide and toss rocks at ya,, As we were walking along the kids were in front the missus and i kept tossing little rocks at the kids!! You shoulda seen em looking for those rock wallabies. It was so funny, We never told the kids it was us !  Phil

That's something I'd do.

[Patr80l]

When my kids were little I would collect some horse poo on Xmas Eve and leave it on the front lawn, along with some carrots I'd taken a bite out of.   In the morning I would make a fuss about those bloody reindeer ruining my lawn.
   

[Hairs]

When my kids were little I would collect some horse poo on Xmas Eve and leave it on the front lawn, 

I use to get a tin of mower fuel and burn two strips about 10 foot long on the front lawn and Fysh use to get my work boats and some flour sprinkled over them and leave foot prints from the burn marks up the stairs & onto the front veranda.
The look on the three kids faces where priceless.

[UTE 701]

The mobile scrap metal collector called the other day  ....

Next door he loaded two pallets of dead and nearly dead car batteries .

From our shed he got a bin of bare copper pipe , and emptied it on top of the batteries ... and wondered why there was the odd spark or two !   

I hope he doesn't have ambitions to be an electrician 

[McGirr]

Many years in retail I meet a lot or strange people but the best was many years ago when an elderly lady bought a tv from me. 4 days later she came in and said the tv was no good. I said what's the problem !! She said the gamma rays from the tv are affecting her.

I stood there just looking at her and said gamma rays !! She said yes it affects her even when she is not in the room where the tv is as it causes her headaches and makes her feel sick. Does it happen when it's on I said. Yes it's all the time.

I just stood there dumb struck and said well we are standing in front of all the tvs now and you seem ok. She said its her tv only.

I was waiting for her head to start spinning ha ha. I advised her that she is just imagining it and I have never heard of it. She got upset and left the store.

She was so serious that I was going to call the funny farm and say one of their patients is loose.

And another funny thing was many years ago the band " mental as anything" once played at a mental instituition at newcastle.

A strange world we live in.

Mark

[dallp]

12 odd years ago I worked in Hardware(BBC), small country town, Around midday a young fella, about 20-22 ish with good threads on and shinny shoes approached the trade counter.
He asks did we sell wood?
I reply, "No, we sell timber, the bloke out the road sells wood"
Customer, "Oh, Whats the smallest piece of wood that I can get?"
I reply, "A splinter" Trying to keep a straight face.
Customer leaves the counter area.
I walk around the corner barely being able to stop myself from wetting the floor.
Crouch down into a ball and pull my jacket over my head with tears running down my face.
I see a pair of shinny shoes appear just in front of me then I hear the young blokes voice ask,
"Do you reckon they would be open today"
I struggle to get the words out.
"Yes, Yes, I think they're open"
He walked away and I have never ever seen him since.

So, in this world there are in fact people who "do not know' and need help.
They have asked you for assistance, which I assume is the reason you are employed and paid.
And that is your response?
Good old Aussie "SERVICE".
But why did the company close down and we don't have a job any more?
Must be the boss's fault!!!

[Crockett]

My best mate came home from work to discover his old "very original" 1300 escort had been stolen, it wasn't insured, but he called the cops and rang the local council security, in the hope someone had just taken it for a joy ride and dumped it again.
Next day the council called back with some good/ bad news. One of their trucks had picked it up, it was bulk rubbish collection time and they thought it was scrap 
He got it back with a few more dents and they gave him $800 as compo, all it would have been worth anyway.

[bobnrob]

My best mate came home from work to discover his old "very original" 1300 escort had been stolen, it wasn't insured, but he called the cops and rang the local council security, in the hope someone had just taken it for a joy ride and dumped it again.
Next day the council called back with some good/ bad news. One of their trucks had picked it up, it was bulk rubbish collection time and they thought it was scrap 
He got it back with a few more dents and they gave him $800 as compo, all it would have been worth anyway.

2-3yrs back, during rubbish week. Local bloke living near the river had dropped his boat in the water & parked his trailer on his front lawn. Yep, someone driving along thought they'd scored big time. Hooked it up & drove off 
Local paper ran the story & he did get it back *lol*

[xcvator]

I've started to clean out my garage 

[richee]

I've started to clean out my garage 

ha ha, thanks for the laugh

[gibbo301]

I thought about giving up drinking 

[austastar]

Hi,
  our first car was a 1950's side valve Hilman Minx, and was about 25 years old when we bought it.
I had loaded the roof rack up with garden cuttings and limbs till it looked like some thing you now would only see on Indian or Pakistani roads, and drove to the local tip.
Having climbed up onto the roof and unleashed a landslide of herbage into the tip site, I was having difficulty backing out as one wheel was spinning in a slippery bit of clay.
A bemused council worker was watching my antics, and I asked him if he could lend a bit of weight and give me a push.
He took a thoughtful drag on his scruffy durry, his eyes narrowed a little as he scanned the vehicle from front to back and up and down, and looking me straight in the eyes he asked.
"Which way?"




cheers

[DannyG]

Hi,
  our first car was a 1950's side valve Hilman Minx, and was about 25 years old when we bought it.
I had loaded the roof rack up with garden cuttings and limbs till it looked like some thing you now would only see on Indian or Pakistani roads, and drove to the local tip.
Having climbed up onto the roof and unleashed a landslide of herbage into the tip site, I was having difficulty backing out as one wheel was spinning in a slippery bit of clay.
A bemused council worker was watching my antics, and I asked him if he could lend a bit of weight and give me a push.
He took a thoughtful drag on his scruffy durry, his eyes narrowed a little as he scanned the vehicle from front to back and up and down, and looking me straight in the eyes he asked.
"Which way?"




cheers

hahahahha Thats a classic!