True Stories (yet hard to beleive)

[Mace]

I thought of this story whilst posting up a reply in another thread (people putting the wrong fuel in vehicles).

I used to manage the vehicle fleet at work - 60 plus vehicles.  The things people used to do to them was amazing.  For example:

One day, a new employee who had never driven an automatic came in to me and asked how to use the auto transmission.  I took him out to the Falcon and gave him the lowdown.  Watched him depart the carpark safely.

Later in the day, he presented himself at my office door, dripping wet, saturated from head to waist!

"How was the auto?'  I asked.

"Fine, but the power windows dont work" he answered.

"Ok, thats strange" I said, "thats a pretty new Vehicle. Show me the problem"

Took the punter back out to the carpark, it was a wet day, had been raining heavily at times.
There, in the parking bay, was a nice shiny FG Falcon with ALL of its windows in the down position.

Every seat was wet, the floor was wet, the back window had a pool of water on the carpet in front of it.

"How far have you driven with the windows down in the rain?" I asked.

"From Seymour"  Sixty kilometers away, He replied!!

I turned on the Ignition.  Pulled up on the window switches.  All four windows silently retreated to their up positions.  I looked at the punter!!!!

"How did you do that?"  he mumbled.

"Like this" I said, lifting up the buttons. "What did you do"?

'Well", he said, " I pushed the front buttons down, and the windows went down.  I thought if you pushed down on the back buttons, the windows would go up"!!!!!!!!!!!

I barely managed to keep a straight face until I had retreated back to my office.

Anyway, there must be lots of tales like that out there, lets hear them!!!

[maurerless]

Well, as a kid I remember going to building sites with my dad. Yes, lots of yarns, but many stories were overheard during quiet times.

I remember a story told by a concrete truck driver where he tried to make a delivery to a house, but the husband who ordered the concrete was not home. The wife, who was home, dutifully wanted to take delivery of the concrete, but obviously didn't know much about the product.

Apparently she told the truck driver just to dump it in the driveway and her husband would move it when he got home after work - several hours later.

The truckie said "are you sure? She insisted, so he dumped the entire load (probably several cubic metres of the stuff) right in the centre of the driveway, took a signature for delivery from her and left.

Glad that wasn't my driveway....

[speewa158]

Working as a driver in a busy hard 1 of the other drivers rang the controler to tell him of a problem . " l have broken the left hand mirror " ,,,,,," How  " ,,,,,,,, : the truck fell on it 
Dont know where hes working now 

[Redback]

Well, as a kid I remember going to building sites with my dad. Yes, lots of yarns, but many stories were overheard during quiet times.

I remember a story told by a concrete truck driver where he tried to make a delivery to a house, but the husband who ordered the concrete was not home. The wife, who was home, dutifully wanted to take delivery of the concrete, but obviously didn't know much about the product.

Apparently she told the truck driver just to dump it in the driveway and her husband would move it when he got home after work - several hours later.

The truckie said "are you sure? She insisted, so he dumped the entire load (probably several cubic metres of the stuff) right in the centre of the driveway, took a signature for delivery from her and left.

Glad that wasn't my driveway....

Pretty stupid truck driver!!

[Roddersz]

I have a mate who's wife put nearly 2 litres of water in the oil filler of their Astra thinking it was the window washer filler ! Made it a couple of k's down the road before it stopped...

Cheers
Rod

[GGV8Cruza]

One of our labourers filled the hydraulic tank to the top with diesel one day on a Manitou, that was an expensice exercise to repair. Locks and signs were then fitted to all hydraulic tanks

GG

[bobnrob]

Isn't the title "True Stories"?
Have so far read 2 I've heard many times, but slightly different variants!     

[richee]

My wife once asked "When is the new Years Eve Lotto drawn", much laughter in the newsagency.

[time]

My wife once asked "When is the new Years Eve Lotto drawn", much laughter in the newsagency.

Similar brain fade from my Mrs,  "Look at that camel"...which one....."the camel coloured one"

[Hoyks]

A girl I shared a flat with bought a Mini. One afternoon she came in, very proud of herself, because she checked the oil level and it was a bit low, so she topped it up.

'How much did it take?' I inquire.

'The whole 5L.’ was the reply.

  ... You haven't started it have you?

She checked the dip stick and the level was low, so poured some oil in and checked again. No movement... So poured in a bit more.... still no movement , so in went about 3L, the stick was checked again and the level had moved a touch, so she figured that if the rest was dumped in it would go to the F line.

When I took the filler cap off the oil level was up to about 1 inch below the cap. The drain plug was pulled and when the dirty oil running out the drain plug turned clean I plugged it back up with a nett gain of 500ml of oil. Not the best way to do an oil change.  It blew a little smoke, but no lasting damage.

I also had a friend that tried to top up the oil and made a horrible mess of the driveway. Her thinking was that you checked the oil with the dip stick, so it was logical that through that little tube was where you topped it up as well.

[Kit_e_kat9]

I: check my oil, fill my washer bottle, change my filters, wash and vac it, change tyres, can drop oil or fuel, change spark plugs, replace engine parts, can tell a mechanic to "set the points, plugs and check the timing please", read maps, can live without a hair dryer & microwave.

True Story!

I still have an issue with jar lids on occassion, but I've bought a "Man in the draw" that is now assisting me with that.  Only cost me $5 too!  (sort of like a nut cracker, but for jars)

Kit_e

[johnyd]

My uncle tried to drive a diesel Astra through an 80cm deep creek one Christmas.  It didn't make it.

To add to the story, after we got it out dad wanted to drive our Captiva through.  The air intakes are in pretty much exactly the same places and heights.  We managed to talk him out of it though.

[Duchess]

I know a bloke who flew a plane under the Storey bridge in Brisbane. Nuff said...

[TOPNDR]

I worked for a concreting mob in the early 90's, their yard is on Lytton Rd at Murarrie neat Brisbane's Gateway Bridge. At the time the batching plant was new, state of the art, and was to be close to remote control but it hadn't been completed.

When loading our trucks, we'd back under the shute, press a button which lit a signal lamp in the donga to let the controller (in the donga above us) know we were in position, and he'd load the truck. When completed, he'd press a button that caused a green light to flash about three times. 

The only thing was, the light was behind the cab, and could only be seen by craning one's neck.  One driver didn't see the light, or it didn't go off, and he didn't know if the loading was completed, so he called the donga controller man on the intercom. The conversation went something like this.

Driver:  "Have you finished loading, I didn't see the green light".

Donga Controller:    "Did you press the button?"

Driver:   "Yeah."

Donga Controller:   "Hang on then."

The Donga Controller then proceeded to feed another 5 cubic metres of aggregate, sand, cement, and other additives into an already full, 6 cubic metre agitator bowl! 

Priceless!   

[Hairs]

12 odd years ago I worked in Hardware(BBC), small country town, Around midday a young fella, about 20-22 ish with good threads on and shinny shoes approached the trade counter.
He asks did we sell wood?
I reply, "No, we sell timber, the bloke out the road sells wood"
Customer, "Oh, Whats the smallest piece of wood that I can get?"
I reply, "A splinter" Trying to keep a straight face.
Customer leaves the counter area.
I walk around the corner barely being able to stop myself from wetting the floor.
Crouch down into a ball and pull my jacket over my head with tears running down my face.
I see a pair of shinny shoes appear just in front of me then I hear the young blokes voice ask,
"Do you reckon they would be open today"
I struggle to get the words out.
"Yes, Yes, I think they're open"
He walked away and I have never ever seen him since.

[UTE 701]

I also had a friend that tried to top up the oil and made a horrible mess of the driveway. Her thinking was that you checked the oil with the dip stick, so it was logical that through that little tube was where you topped it up as well.

A mate had a girl who decided to top up the oil herself and prove she knew what she was doing .....

She thought the dip stick sat in it's holder , and you took it out and stuck it down the filler cap hole .

She kept topping up until it registered on the dipstick , closed the filler cap and put the dipstick back in it's holder ....

I think she was blonde now I think about it .....

[Black Diamond]

This is a true story, and i know some of you wont believe it because its so stupid but i promise its true. I still laugh about it every time i think of it.

A couple of years ago i was sitting back having a beer after work when the MIL (Mother In Law) walked in and asked if she we could log her in to check her shares because she was totally computer illiterate, so the SWMBO fired the computer and logged her in for her and let her do her thing. After she finished she decided to have a bit of a browse on the internet and familiarise herself with the web, this is when it got interesting 
I walked into the computer room where i looked at her on the computer, she had picked up the mouse and appeared to be rubbing it over her thumb. I thought what the hell is she doing  does she have an itchy finger??? Upon looking at the computer screen she was on some website with pictures that noted "Run the mouse over Thumbnail to enlarge pictures" 
I'm still laughing about it to this day and constantly remind her      

BD 

[Swannie]

This is a true story, and i know some of you wont believe it because its so stupid but i promise its true. I still laugh about it every time i think of it.

A couple of years ago i was sitting back having a beer after work when the MIL (Mother In Law) walked in and asked if she we could log her in to check her shares because she was totally computer illiterate, so the SWMBO fired the computer and logged her in for her and let her do her thing. After she finished she decided to have a bit of a browse on the internet and familiarise herself with the web, this is when it got interesting 
I walked into the computer room where i looked at her on the computer, she had picked up the mouse and appeared to be rubbing it over her thumb. I thought what the hell is she doing  does she have an itchy finger??? Upon looking at the computer screen she was on some website with pictures that noted "Run the mouse over Thumbnail to enlarge pictures" 
I'm still laughing about it to this day and constantly remind her      

BD 

[Mace]

I walked into the computer room where i looked at her on the computer, she had picked up the mouse and appeared to be rubbing it over her thumb. I thought what the hell is she doing  does she have an itchy finger??? Upon looking at the computer screen she was on some website with pictures that noted "Run the mouse over Thumbnail to enlarge pictures" 
I'm still laughing about it to this day and constantly remind her      

BD 

That is priceless!!!!!!!!!!!!    ROFLPMS

[austastar]

Hi,
   I had gone for a walk with a blonde girl down to the beach.
There was a yacht race on the river, a strong sea breeze coming in from the South, and the yachts were running towards us under spinnaker, turning round a buoy just off shore and beating back against the wind to the starting point some 3km to the South.


"How come the boats with the bigger sails are coming last?" she asked.


She also commented on how neatly all the boats were lined up the same way at anchor in a slight breeze further up the river near Hobart.


cheers

[Spurio]

I saw one of these working the other day.....

http://www.rct.net.au/PDF/Presentations/Remote_Dozer_Presentation.pdf

Ya'no want I want for xmas !!

[Hoyks]

I: check my oil, fill my washer bottle, change my filters, wash and vac it, change tyres, can drop oil or fuel, change spark plugs, replace engine parts, can tell a mechanic to "set the points, plugs and check the timing please", read maps, can live without a hair dryer & microwave.

True Story!

Kit_e

And why would I doubt you? My Mum learnt to drive in a 1942 Blitz with a crash box. Women are very capable, just on these occasions...

OK, a dumb bloke story. I was at work doing some touch ups. The whole job is light grey, but we were using a dark green (almost black) primer before applying the top coat.

Smartass walks by and says You got the wrong colour.

Naa, it goes on dark, but lightens up when it dries I reply.

Really?.... Cool!... how long does it take?

A few hours, so he keeps wandering past to see the colour change

He then tries to share this new found knowledge with others who let him go for a while before telling him he is an idiot.

[Riguez]

One lovely clear morning, earlier this year, I was heading South on the Newel Hwy out of Goondiwindi, about 5am. Nice time of day, just as the sun was creeping up over the horizon. I was doing about 110km/h when a flock of sulphur crested cockatoos flew down and landed in the middle of the Hwy right in front of me. One of them flew straight into the front of my vehicle with a thud. 'Ouch', I thought, 'that's gotta hurt. Oh well, such is life, one less cocky. Poor bird. It was a quick death though. Hope it didn't put a dent in something important or expensive'. Then I promtly forgot about it.

100 km's later I stopped off in a rest area just off the Hwy behind some trees for a bit of breakie and a cuppa. Sat there for some 10 minutes in the peace and quiet, with the odd truck passing by, and while I was waiting for the kettle to boil, enjoying the silence and the morning light, I remembered the cocky and thought, 'that was a large bird, maybe I should check the front of the ute for damage'. As I walked around the front looking for a smashed headlight or something I found the damned cocky, looking a little dazed, crawling sideways along the front grill, tucked in behind the bar! I was stunned, 'Shit' I thought 'err... wow'. Dumbfounded, I bent over to see how badly damaged the cocky was. It cocked its head and stared me straight in the eye with an accusing look. 'Squawk' it goes, in that piercing voice that only cocky's have, like it was saying 'what in the hell are you lookin' at ya flightless bastard!'. The squawk echoed around the empty rest area. It actually scared me a little it was so loud and aggressive and unexpected. The bird then jumped off the front of the car and started walking around the parking area shaking its pretty badly ruffled feathers, it was all fluffed up. I couldn't believe it. I tried to approach it again, to see how damaged it was. It shook itself one more time, dropped a feather and took off. I was pleased but amazed to see it was flying perfectly. How tough are they?

Incredulously, I watched as it flew out of the rest area back toward the Hwy ...... straight into the path of a Northbound truck!!!! No joke. Life really is a bit of a sick joke sometimes.

Tough bird I have to admit, but a slow learner. Maybe it was trying to get a lift home, 'hey fellas, you'll never guess what happened to me this morning....'

I still keep the feather it left behind in my car, as a reminder.

[Bill]

Pool + wheelbarrow full of mulch = disaster.
Need I say more 
Bill and Morag

[Black Diamond]

Pool + wheelbarrow full of mulch = disaster.
Need I say more 
Bill and Morag

Hehe that happened to me with a barrow full of rocks it was in the middle of winter, the pool was about 10c  let's just say there was shrinkage