Author Topic: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )  (Read 11099 times)

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Offline UTE 701

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Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« on: December 08, 2011, 03:13:28 PM »
I thought if you were like me and would rather send a Christmas email with a funny pic rather than put a card in the mail , then we should be able to help each other out by putting up things here we can use .... ( and show the kids )

I'll start with my favourite Christmas Message ...

Christmas Disclaimer:
I wanted to send some sort of seasonal greeting to my friends and colleagues, but it is difficult in today's world to know exactly what to say without offending someone. So I met with my lawyer yesterday, and on advice I wish to say the following :

Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year !!!

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non addictive, gender neutral celebration of the summer solstice holiday practised with the most enjoyable traditions of religious persuasion or secular practices of your choice with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practise religious or secular traditions at all.

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2012 , but not without due respect for the calendar of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make our country great (not to imply that Australia is necessarily greater than any other country) and without regard to the race, creed, colour, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms:

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/him or others and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. The wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

Best Regards (without prejudice)

Name withheld (Privacy Act).




.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2011, 03:22:03 PM by UTE 701 »

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Offline areyonga

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2011, 04:13:05 PM »
Get the ball rolling
Toyota Landcruiser 200, Olympic Marathon 22.6 van

Offline Bushman

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #2 on: December 08, 2011, 05:47:01 PM »
Aussie Jingle Bells



Aussie Jingle Bells Small | Large
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Forever in our hearts 🐾🐾

Offline speewa158

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #3 on: December 08, 2011, 05:47:33 PM »
Baaaa Humbug  :-* :-* :-*                                                             :cheers:
You can go your own way . Treg Up & Make Dust

Offline Bill

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #4 on: December 08, 2011, 06:35:49 PM »

Bill and Morag
"The problem with the world is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"
-unknown

Offline speewa158

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #5 on: December 08, 2011, 06:39:46 PM »
Aussie Jingle Bells



Aussie Jingle Bells Small | Large

[/quote
Well done Bushman . To you & all Swaggers & all theres    Have a Good & Safe Xmas  :cheers:
Fax me to New Years Eve    :cheers:
You can go your own way . Treg Up & Make Dust

Offline hargs

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2011, 06:41:23 PM »
Baaaa Humbug  :-* :-* :-*                                                             :cheers:

x 2
Life is to short not to...............

Offline speewa158

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2011, 06:44:42 PM »
hargs  is it snowing in Tumit  ??? ??? White Xmass , BaaaaHumbug   :cheers:
To you & yours  :cheers:
You can go your own way . Treg Up & Make Dust

Offline DANBRI

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2011, 06:56:13 PM »

Offline Kit_e_kat9

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Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2011, 08:41:23 PM »


.

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Offline hargs

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2011, 08:44:20 PM »
hargs  is it snowing in Tumit  ??? ??? White Xmass , BaaaaHumbug   :cheers:
To you & yours  :cheers:

Tumit..............whats Tumit ???

Tumut you Mexican !!!  No snow here, just rain again. Nice but camping for New Year so hope it eases up by then,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 BaaaaHumbug   :cheers:
To you & yours too :cheers:
Life is to short not to...............

Offline POD

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2011, 09:05:07 PM »
Tumit..............whats Tumit ???

Tumut you Mexican !!!  No snow here, just rain again. Nice but camping for New Year so hope it eases up by then,!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 BaaaaHumbug   :cheers:
To you & yours too :cheers:

If THAT is the worst of Speewa's spelling issues tonight then we are doing well, Hargs! (In unrelated news: Carlton and United Breweries shares have just taken a massive dive!!)
"Never trust an internet quote." - Thomas Jefferson

Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2011, 06:32:32 PM »







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time

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2011, 07:22:59 PM »
« Last Edit: December 13, 2011, 08:20:33 AM by time »

Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #15 on: December 11, 2011, 11:20:15 AM »



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Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #16 on: December 12, 2011, 10:23:44 PM »





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Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #17 on: December 16, 2011, 02:08:49 PM »

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Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #18 on: December 17, 2011, 04:50:18 PM »

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Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #19 on: December 21, 2011, 02:54:21 PM »
Any Revheads out there ??










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Offline maurerless

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #20 on: December 21, 2011, 09:45:40 PM »
Merry Government Christmas

All employees planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh for members of the public. This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered. To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, we would request that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by any shepherds planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks. The angel of the lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr. R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, particularly the Orient, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to Hospitality Guidelines and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual, even royal personages.

It is particularly noted that direct gifts of currency or gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions.

Finally, in the recent case of the infant found tucked up in a manger without any crib for a bed, DOCS has been advised and will be arriving shortly.

Merry Government Christmas!
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Offline qlddsl

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #21 on: December 22, 2011, 05:23:09 AM »
^^^^^ ;D ;D ;D
if i dont need 4wd, i ain't going!!!

Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #22 on: December 22, 2011, 01:43:19 PM »





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Offline Bird

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #23 on: December 23, 2011, 09:04:46 AM »
-
Click to enlarge

Gone to a new home

Offline UTE 701

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Re: Christmas Funnies ( G rated please )
« Reply #24 on: December 23, 2011, 09:37:40 AM »





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