NOT CAMPING RELATED... but a bit funny, if you're a little bit twisted.

[Jeepers Creepers]

I was looking back through some of the old photos in the old photo thread and it got me thinking about some of the stuff we got up to.

First, i'll set the scene. We would have been about 10 or 12, tops, so we are talking 1970 to 1972 here.

A group of us use to "hang out", Skeeta, Deano, Curls and myself and what a hip, cool bunch of young 'éns we were too. 

We had a kid called Norman, who use to live just up from my place. He always had a scab on himself somewhere, nose, mouth, forehead, if ya bumped into scab, you knew you'd be talking to him while looking at some pus filled scab, so we nick named him scab.

Scab was a funny kid too, not funny ha ha, but funny weird.

His dad, 4 foot 8, dumpy with dark hair.
His Mum, 4 foot 4, dumpy with dark hair.
His big brother, 5 foot, fat with dark hair.
Scab, almost 6 foot, red hair and freckles and the shape of a pencil.

We always thought, scabs Mum was getting a bit more than Scab's dad knew about.

Scab's folks, never had much, but someone would always shout Scab a drink, or share their hot chips etc, as he wasn't a bad kid, just weird.

So, one day, in the middle of summer, he asked if we could teach him to ride a pushbike and we all thought, yeah, why not?
It might be fun..... 

OK, we get Scab on the pushy and he's nearly pooping himself, Deano's got a hold of the back of the pushy, i've told him to put his feet on the pedals.
Skeeta, who was always the "McGyver" of the group, pruduces a roll of scotchtape/sticky tape out of his pocket and before Scab can blink, Skeeta has taped his feet to the pedals.

Scab is struggling now, wanting to disembark the pushy at lightning speed, so Deano shakes the sh1t out of the pushy, and of course, Scab make a dive for the handlebars with his hands and Skeeta tapes then up as well.

I gotta tell you, its a pitiful sight, to see poor old Scab, almost in tears, taped to a push bike.

Deano yelled something like bon voyage or something stupid and gave the push bike an almighty shove.
We are yelling now, peddle you idiot......

Scab is off and has realised, if he peddles and steers, he's all good.

Skeeta was a shocker too, he had Scabs left foot too far in and every time he peddled, his ankle bone hit the peddle crank thing. We figured, if we lost sight of him, we could always follow the blood trail.
About a hundred or so metres down the road, was a T junction, so we all off after him by foot or pushy.

We are all yelling, ..........turn right Scab,...... turn right.
Scab, ...... well, he was just yelling..... sounded like a Pommy police car really.

The poor bastard was just about to hang a right too, when a car cut the corner coming around the corner from the other way.
Poor ol Scab, had to either turn left or get hit by the car.
By turning left, he's now committed to a downhill run of about 20 degree gradient.

It was a sight to see too, poor ol Scab, doing about 40 kph downhill, firmly fixed to the bike.

By now, we all had pushies on the go after him, with some us going the double up.

I remember, i had Skeeta on the top bar side saddle with me, my arms around him like a bear hug as we peddled after Scab.

Most people were getting out of his way, as the screams could be heard miles away.

Why he chose to take the corner by the hardware store on the foorpath, is beyond me, but he managed to go through the driveway entry, past the hardware, clipping some poor old bugger coming out of the newsagent. Books and sh1t went everywhere, except Scab.

He managed to wobble by the milkbar, before going back out over the kerb and back to the road.

Because he was not peddling any more and we were, we had all but caught up to him and we yelled, run it into a bush or something.

Deano yelled out, turn right, its uphill, you'll stop.

So what does Scab do.... yep, turned right and glided uphill.

As he came to a standstill, he still couldn't put his feet down, so he started rolling backwards.
He only went about 3 or 4 metres, but managed the best ever death wobble known to man and then fell over, but not off.

He's now laying on the 35 degree bitumen with a push bike still taped to himself.......

Oh, funny days......

He got an extra scab or ten that day too.

I wonder what ever happened to him.... oh well.   

No pics i'm sorry, you just have to try and picture it.

[britts]

Love it I can just see it in comic strip form.


Cheers Matt

[POD]

Maybe the heading of this should read:

"... A bit funny... If you're a bully"

We all did things when we were young but the difference is that some of us grew up and realised how dangerous they were. More importantly, some of us have realised how nasty they were as well. AND we're no longer proud of them.

[Jeepers Creepers]

Its OK, no push bikes got damaged.

[singo-26]

That was me, I've been looking for you my entire adult life!
























Naaaaa, only joking.

[austastar]

That was me, I've been looking for you my entire adult life!

Hi,
   had to laugh at that!
I had a bit of a rough trot as a gawkey kid in a rough neighbourhood.


cheers

[Redback]

Sounds like a kid I knew growing up in Newcastle, his knick name was dickhead

[DaveCQ]

Sounds like a kid I knew growing up in Newcastle, his knick name was dickhead

Haha. Love it

[Mrs smith]

Very funny,
I read this one earlier on another forum and got a laugh.
Why we shoot deer in the wild.

I had this idea that I could rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it. The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it. After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up-- 3 of them. I picked out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me. I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold..

The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation. I took a step towards it, it took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope .., and then received an education. The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED. The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer-- no Chance. That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.. The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere. At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual. Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand...kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.


Did you know that deer bite?

They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when ..... I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist. Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and slide off to then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head--almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds. I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the tendons out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp... I learned a long time ago that, when an animal -like a horse --strikes at you with their hooves and you can't get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy. I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run. The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head. Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope......to sort of even the odds!!

All these events are true so help me God... A newly educated farmer!!

[JCOJ]

Funny Stories!!

I remember when I was about 8 and my brother was 10.  We had just seen something on tv with Eivel Kineval so my brother thought he could be just as good as him.  We had a verandah with a two foot drop off the end of it (seemed alot higher though when you are that age!!).  The plan was for him to do a mono off it and land on both wheels.

He was able to get a bit of a run up as the veranda was quite long, then he pulled the front wheel up as hard as he could.  Next thing he knows the front wheel goes flying forward - it had detached from his bike.  Like it was hapenning in slow motion, I can clearly remember the freaked out look in his face as he realised just what has happened, and there was no going back!!

The back wheel landed first, then the front forks went thud and dug in half way into the grass, with him going over the top of the bars and face planting the ground!!  Funniest moment of my life - not so much for him!!

[Black Diamond]

Sounds like a kid I knew growing up in Newcastle, his knick name was dickhead

LOL

[DannyG]

The Deer story and push bike story are funny

[austastar]

Hi,
   Deserved pain/humiliation/embarrassment can be hilariously funny if it is appropriate to the stupidity that precipitated it.


To set the scene:


1969, a warm summers night.


RAAF base Pt Cook, the 3 WAAF barracks  are double story wooden structures with a porch on each end and a window at the end of each hall above the porch.
The buildings are all in a row lengthwise.


The boozer is nearby.


(You may possibly guess what is going to happen)


A bunch of . . . . , mmm, shall we say well primed, young lads making their way back to the single quarters, observe that all the windows above the porches are open (I did mention it was a warm night)


Now you would think they would not be that silly, but no! The dare was put, and the challenge accepted.


The idea was to strip, scale the veranda posts, duck in the open window, streak the length of the corridor, out the window at the other end, shimmy down the other verhanda post, run to the next building in line and ........ well you get the picture.


The trouble was they were quite frankly pi55ed! They added to their trouble by arguing about the best way to do it, but not in whispers.


With the windows open, their plans of mischief and mayhem, not to mention legendary heroics were overheard by the wily wenches with in the walls, who hatched a fiendish plot to very quickly and efficiently foil the potential moment of glory and years of bragging rights.


Across the grass he ran, naked as the day his mother birthed him, up the post in a flash, in the window like a rabbit, and along the hall as fast as his bare feet could carry him.
He approached the mid way stairs with the far window now less than half way, when from the shadows of the stair well leaped a couple of hefty heifers, dressed in overalls, and armed with tins of Nugget and sturdy shoe brushes of the bristly, prickly kind.


He was held down, helpless, and no part of his dignity was spared the generous coating of polish. The girls were very thorough, and not very gentle.


He was allowed to escape down the stair well and out the side door. (No sense in getting shoe polish every where over window sills, it would only have to be cleaned up before inspection.)


His fate was less than if he had been held captive and the service police called, (perhaps) though that may  have been less painful, or perhaps not as enduring.
It certainly would have been less embarrassing than re appearing crest fallen and beaten at his own game in spectacular fashion.


cheers

[edz]

`Soooo Austastar  did you have much trouble getting the Nugget off . LOL .
Bloody stuff sticks like the proverbial  to a blanket .

[Jeepers Creepers]

Hey POD,

Not too sure about the bully bit. we would not '
have shared our food with Scab if we were bullies.

Rough and tumble kids with a basically good heart, willing to try anything.... you betcha.

It wasn't always Scab that came unstuck either, me, fractured left arm.... mildly funny story..... compound break to right wrist...not funny at all, as now it was affecting my sex life at 13 years of age. 

The amazing thing about us as kids back then was, we went to school with some aboriginal kids, the odd Pom or two, wogs (as we all called them back then) and some others i've forgotten about.
We didn't judge 'ém or bash 'ém, we just played and sometimes played hard.

[carinya]

Like the stories from my father of great, painful, heroic and usually hilarious deeds, these are all performed well before the arrival of the camera phone.  Such a shame.  and the fools on you tube think they are legends for scaring someone in a park..... Amateurs.

[Squalo]

Hilarious stories