Zen Teachings (Humour)

[Robbo]

Zen Teachings


1.. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.  Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow.  In fact, just piss off and leave me alone.

2.. Sex is like air.  It's not that important unless you aren't getting any.

3.. No one is listening until you fart.

4.. Always remember you're unique.  Just like everyone else.

5.. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

6.. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

7.. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

8.. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

9.. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

10. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

11. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

12. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

13. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

14. Good judgment comes from bad experience.  And most of that comes from bad judgment.

15. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.  Neither one works.

17. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

19. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our ass.  Then things just keep getting worse.

20. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

[ATC]

How true' especially point 16:-

16. There are two excellent theories for arguing with women.  Neither one works.

We'd arrange to co camping last night & fish a few carp out of the local campsite river, nothing flash, but a night camping never the less, and the Boss has agreed.

Long story short, the weather here in Sydney for new years day was forecast to be great, so I suggested as an alternative we stay home, get up early and take the boat to Pittwater for a days fishing (btw she brought the boat & loves fishing - I gave her 2 short sticks with overhead reels rigged with  line for Xmas - cause I'm that sort of guy) .

So a beautify day out on the water was had, a few fish caught, mostly undersized bream, nice day nevertheless.

As we were driving home I asked her how her day was, um, arh, I though you weren't enjoying yourself...

I gave up a night camping (possibly 2 nights), washed and cleaned the boat up, cleaned & scaled her fish and I get:-

um, arh, I though you weren't enjoying yourself...

Doesn't matter what I did was never going to win that one...

This is how the New Years Day started...

[speewa158]

You are learning  Grasshopper , quickly   ,,    possibly not quickly enough though ,,,,

[Ynot]

Some good ones there!


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