Post by: xcvator on July 15, 2014, 11:35:42 AM
So there you are, stumbling around the house looking for the dunny rolls, trying not to drip on the carpet or smear anything on the door handles and it's starting to get a bit chilly, don'tcha just hate it :-[ >:(
Post by: Mallory Black on July 15, 2014, 11:39:27 AM
Post by: D4D on July 15, 2014, 11:40:24 AM
Post by: Bunyip on July 15, 2014, 11:40:36 AM
Post by: GUEY on July 15, 2014, 12:09:30 PM
Too much information
Way way way to much.... ??? :-[
Note to self. Careful if ever shaking xcvators hand...
Post by: speewa158 on July 15, 2014, 12:14:56 PM
Post by: Foo on July 15, 2014, 12:15:35 PM
Foo
Post by: muzza01 on July 15, 2014, 12:20:12 PM
Post by: discoteddy on July 15, 2014, 12:28:59 PM
Cheers,
Disco teddy.
Post by: Turbojohn on July 15, 2014, 12:41:20 PM
Post by: Swannie on July 15, 2014, 12:42:45 PM
Swannie
Post by: speewa158 on July 15, 2014, 01:14:38 PM
Cmon mate, that's CRAP. l think you put your finger on it :cup: :cup:
Post by: terravista on July 15, 2014, 02:58:53 PM
Then when the mother in law visits and kisses the dog next time, you can't help smiling.
Post by: knoath on July 15, 2014, 03:06:23 PM
With a mop and bucket..... ;D
Post by: oldmate on July 15, 2014, 03:37:05 PM
That is one of the best reasons for having a dog in the house, the stupid things will lick anything.
Then when the mother in law visits and kisses the dog next time, you can't help smiling.
oh man, that is even more way to much infomation. each to there own i guess, so when the dog is licking his nuts, do you throw yourself on the floor and lift a leg too?? ;D ;D ;D pmsl
Post by: Darcy7 on July 15, 2014, 04:02:22 PM
Post by: Jeepers Creepers on July 15, 2014, 04:12:35 PM
Hmmm, bit nutty.
Post by: Bunyip on July 15, 2014, 04:36:00 PM
:worthles:
You are a very sick person wanting photos of that!!!
Post by: baldheadedgit on July 15, 2014, 04:49:51 PM
Mod's... this bloke is so full (or Empty) of Shite... i want him banned and and and and... plugged :angel:
Post by: RedDmaxxx on July 15, 2014, 04:58:21 PM
Post by: Brett B on July 15, 2014, 05:53:46 PM
Post by: terravista on July 15, 2014, 05:54:30 PM
oh man, that is even more way to much infomation. each to there own i guess, so when the dog is licking his nuts, do you throw yourself on the floor and lift a leg too?? ;D ;D ;D pmslNot in last 2 weeks I haven't.
Post by: jmorgan1981 on July 15, 2014, 06:15:27 PM
Post by: Jeepers Creepers on July 15, 2014, 06:16:13 PM
So xcvator were you scrunching or folding?
Poking I think and most likely, more than once too.
Post by: oldmate on July 15, 2014, 07:03:01 PM
Not in last 2 weeks I haven't.
:cup:
Post by: Clouty on July 15, 2014, 08:04:01 PM
That just made my night :cup:
Post by: Swannie on July 15, 2014, 08:15:15 PM
Swannie
Post by: lino6 on July 15, 2014, 08:28:02 PM
So xcvator were you scrunching or folding?
Probably dabbing!
But seriously I reckon this is another....
Post by: Swannie on July 15, 2014, 08:38:12 PM
Post by: lino6 on July 15, 2014, 08:50:21 PM
Post by: xcvator on July 15, 2014, 09:14:17 PM
Post by: oldmate on July 15, 2014, 09:15:51 PM
A red card, :o c'mon givme a brake, ::) 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad :angel:
Pmsl. Mission accomplished
Now where is that , where do I buy 30" rims for my patrol thread gone?
Post by: lino6 on July 15, 2014, 09:26:15 PM
A red card, :o c'mon givme a brake, ::) 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad :angel:
You are right mate card withdrawn. Time for some advice, try gravox to try and thicken things up......
Post by: Nomad on July 15, 2014, 09:33:52 PM
Post by: Ynot on July 15, 2014, 09:45:57 PM
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
Post by: lino6 on July 15, 2014, 09:46:48 PM
At least you didn't do a shart in bed!..................go on....red card me again lino. :cheers:
Nah mate, thats not bad taste thats fact! :D
Maybe I should look for a brown card....... I don't have the Lost card pic!
Post by: RedDmaxxx on July 15, 2014, 09:48:34 PM
Post by: xcvator on July 15, 2014, 09:58:05 PM
Can anyone hear Shirley Bassey singing Brownfinger.
Fixed it for ya :angel:
Post by: lino6 on July 15, 2014, 10:10:23 PM
Post by: speewa158 on July 15, 2014, 10:14:24 PM
A red card, :o c'mon givme a brake, ::) 1st offence, it's kept you all off the whinge and rant threads so it can't be all bad :angel:
Ant you 1st offence Old Mate >:D
Post by: speewa158 on July 15, 2014, 10:17:34 PM
Post by: xcvator on July 15, 2014, 10:34:59 PM
Enough of this post tell the silly old Bugger to quietly grow older , with less infoAwh c'mon speewa, I 'm just trying to pass on a bit of knowledge that I have accumulated over the years :angel: , please don't get personal, cut out the "old" bit will you ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
And I'm getting my post count up :angel:
Post by: Tim - Stratford on July 15, 2014, 11:03:50 PM
I 'm just trying to pass on a bit
Nope, you already did that!!! ;D
Tim
Post by: Jeepers Creepers on July 20, 2014, 05:49:09 PM
Last Tuesday, I wake up with a mild dose of the mission brown squirts. No probs, pop a Lomital (or however ya spell it) and off to work. No squirts, no more worries, except, by Thursday, I haven't pooped.
I'm would tighter than a lowered coil spring in an 18 year old's Commodore.
So, to solve the problem, I ate some good ol laxette. Couple of hours gone, still no swift and shift, so I had some more.
Now, about 2pm and I'm almost finished the last mow job for the day, when I start fartin. Those cute little pop offs ya do when ya walking, so as I'm mowing the last 2 strips across a yard, I start laughing, as it sounds like a second hand outboard with a dodgy spark plug.
By the time the mower goes in the trailer, I've stopped laughing and started walking with my bum clenched tight.
Quick, and I mean QUICK blow of the paths and i'm outta there.
Horrendous stomach cramps have taken over, sweat is pouring off my head like a fountain, I'm doubled over with my head almost on the steering wheel as I drive like an idiot in my quest for a loo.
Part way home, my cramp have eased i'm safe again for a home based loo, but i'm still fartin, it sounded like a pond full of bullfrogs now, as I know, that for me, time was running out fast.
Next thing, Mrs Jeepers calls and says can I pick up a tap fitting at the hardware store on my way home.
Oh Honey, I replied, I don't think I'll make it, I might sh!t myself.
Don't be so furkin stupid, just duck in, it'll take you no time and you're driving right past the store.
So, as I've reached the garden section, the cramps and sweating starts up again, so I raced to the back of the shop, as I know where the staff loo is, right next to the lunch room.
Great, the only woman that works there, is having her afternoon tea or late lunch or something. :'(
I dived into the plumbing section, which appeared to be empty. (Thank Christ for small town living)
I'm bent over, bracing myself against the display shelf looking at two display toilets, but I couldn't do it, when all of a sudden, I let rip with a fart. It was like a roll of thunder that's coming from 10 klm away, building in pitch and volume before that almighty bang at the end.
I seriously thought I was going to loose my water tight seal then and there.
All good, undies still intact, but the stench was terrible.
Just then, a little kid stuck his head around the corner and said... You farted.
Then nicks off giggling says, Mummy, that man farted.
I took off straight out through the timber section and made it home......just.
Wife says through the toilet door, where's my tap fitting.........
What is with women....